Flesh of the Day
By Brent Diggs on Jul 2, 2007 in Humor
Several well meaning friends, let’s call them Jim, have brought it to my attention that my site would be more popular and much more lucrative if I provided the public with a little more skin on these pages. I believe Jim’s exact expression was, “Money will come flying in! I’m serious big guy, you’ll be so rich! Women. And cars. Huge piles of money! Your mansion! A bunch of them! I‘m serious man!”
Although it may sound strange at first, this is Jim’s normal form of expression. His mind is constantly revving like a supercharged engine, fired up with amazing thoughts. I know this for a fact, because he has told me several times.
Every day since I’ve known him.
So rapid and numerous are these thoughts, that they often race each other to see who can get to his mouth first, where they inevitably pile up in a in a violent collision, only to emerge dented, smoking and sputtering, in no particular order.
But I have grown accustomed to all this.
What surprised me was the insulted yet insecure sensation that accompanied Jim’s suggestion. After some pondering and a good deal of musing, I have determined that his comments must contain some measure of this sexual harassment thing I keep hearing about. Which definitely seems strange to me. After all, having had the wisdom and business acumen to be born male, I never imagined that the success of my humor career would hinge on anything so trivial as sex appeal.
What kind of world is this where talent and drive are insufficient for achievement? Where the wheels of progress must be greased with ego-massaging and hormonal gratification?
Was I was naïve to think that dedication, perseverance, and skill were enough to ensure my success?
I guess so.
So, although it still pains me to prostitute my site in such a fashion, please step up, if you must, and lay your eager eyes on my exciting new attraction, Flesh of the Day.
I can only hope that I make enough money to someday buy back my self respect.
My “more” button doesn’t seems to work on this new version of WordPress, so you will simply have to scroll down to see the Flesh of the Day…and help pay the mortgage on my soul.
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I hope you’re happy, Jim!
—–
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Reminds me of the Scottish Fatbastard from Austin powers II, “Get in my Belly!”
JUST KIDDING!
That is the cutest belly ever! For some reason the word “tickle” comes to mind.
(Hilarious Post!)
P.S. With all due respect to your perseverance and skill, Jim is right. I feel this sudden urge to contribute to your Latté fund.
MY EYES!!!!!!! OH THE HUMANITY!
p.s. sorry for all caps, but that was me screaming pain. ;(
good one :)
Ok, Lynn, to whom does this belly belong?
Maybe its Dr. T, or Herman Fording, or maybe one of those Danger Couch boys?
Debbie,
I think it belongs to the incredible hulk just before he turns green!
Actually, the belly belongs to a visiting oompa loompa. I asked him to leave it with me in case I needed more pictures, but he insisted on taking it with him.
Spoil sport.
mystery solved. who knew they had belly buttons? i just assumed they were grown by willy wanka (yes, THAT wanka… he traded them to wonka in exchange for a lucrative and unmentionable sum of candy and chocolate…and for a 2 minute skinny-dip in the chocolate river. that’s the word on the street anyway)
“Two minute skinny-dip in the chocolate river”…hmmmmm…..
If you want to view paradise
Simply look around and view it
Anything you want to, do it
Wanta change the world?
There’s nothing
To it
Come with me
And you’ll be
In a world of
Pure imagination
Take a look
And you’ll see
Into your imagination…
fast crazy scary psychadelic boat ride!!!! aaahh!!! we’ve gone plaid!
I want the world
I want the whole world
I want to wrap it all up in my pocket
It’s my bar of chocolate
Give it to me…now!
Is it ok Brent if Jenn and I hijack your blog comments for awhile. We love Loompaland!
The picture even came complete with the happy trail. Thank you for an image only copious amounts of Wild Turkey can remove from my mind.
Chris C.
What about a psychotic chicken?
Hola de Costa Rica!
I have traveled to Costa Rica to search for the ultimate gift for the Brentmaster extraordinaire! It had to be something REALLY great, so I will stay here until I find the perfect gift. I will ask Juan Jose what he thinks….
Juan Jose dijo, no sabe, pero necesita un otra cerveza.
I better try someone else. Juan Jose seems a bit distracted right now.
Adios.
Chris C,
It took quite a bit of liquor to just get it up there in the first place.
Jenn and Debbie,
There is some one waiting to sing with you:
(I love that coat.)
Gene! O, Gene! How tremendous to see you here. You take the soprano line and I’ll fill in the alto. Debbie, you take bass. Gene, I mean, Willy, sit here between us.
Hola Camille! como estas usteds muy mojito mamacita hi chiuahua
I am so aroused I cannot even think straight. Or act straight, for that matter.
Your Lordship,
Somehow your comment made it through my extensive wrongness filters. Probably due to overload.
Oh thank you Brent! I must say Gene looks quite attractive. I do love this man.
Jenn, I will gladly take bass. Let’s all sing until the loompas kick us out of Loompaland.
It’s getting hot in here.