Author Bravely Contains Carbs, Protein, and Various Fats - Barely Avoids Total Comment Anarchy
By Brent Diggs on Jun 1, 2007 in Humor
My last post was surprisingly popular, inspiring hordes of pirate commentors to seize control of the Comma’s critical comment area and furiously remark about anything not moving fast enough to evade them.
They commented all day.
They commented all night.
They commented all the next day.
And they commented well into the next night.
I don’t know how they stayed up so long.
Perhaps sleep depravation could account for my popularity.
A new Ominous Comma comment record was set. And broken. And set again.
Some people would say that it is because of sheer laziness that I only post three times a week, but in fact I have planned for this day from the beginning, anticipating the time when the readers of this blog would have so much to say, and express, and randomly associate, that it takes a full 24 hours just to get it all out.
So if you have been lurking in one of the many dusty corners of the site that have sprung up since Dr. Toboggans ran the maid off, then you simply must read the comments on this blog, as it attracts the widest assortment of insanely loyal, yet pleasantly unbalanced commentators of any blog anywhere.*
In fact, you can even subscribe to the comments here and have them delivered to your desktop with the regularity and precision of a Bavarian toilet engineer. You can also subscribe to the Comma itself, but of course that is strictly optional. The mildly psychotic comment posse and myself will not laugh at you, nor will we follow you home to see where you live if you should choose not to subscribe.**
Really.
So just when the raging wildfire of comments had nearly burned itself out, my wife’s impulsive offer to present me with an unnamed reward once the comment count exceeded one-hundred, triggered a fresh cataclysm of commenting fury that lasted for hours.
This morning, at last count, we have 103 comments.***
In honor of this heroic achievement I am renaming the comments themselves. From now on they will read “little commas” as a lasting tribute to each and every one of you and your roles as co-collaborators and fellow-adventurers in this uncharted journey of blogsporation.
Revel in your new status as mini-punctuation. Delight and rejoice in your mighty commenting prowess. You deserve it.
Have a great weekend.
*A bold, yet random statement that my require some verification. If you are expecting me to look it up, you are clearly new here.
**We leave that up to the Ominous Commandeers, a loyal band of violent former I.R.S. agents who are much better trained and suited for that sort of thing. Their greatest joy in life is assisting wayward readers in “seeing the light” and “getting with the program” of lifelong Comma commitment. I have never asked them to do this, but neither do I think it wise to try to stop them.
*** Although I don’t know what my reward shall be, I am hiding all the cutlery and upgrading my life insurance just to be safe.
——
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little comma - woo-hoo! a fun and exciting thing to be
Proud member of the little comma revolution.
Inspiring new name for your comments section aside, you can’t force me to relinquish my coveted pirate troll comma status. I’m on to your little evil genius plan, Mr. foreboding punctuation dude.
Don’t like comma’s, Can I be a “~ “instead?
John O.
Don’t like commas?
Commas are a gift. Be grateful!
3 FAMOUS COMMAS
THE FATAL COMMA
Czarina Maria Fyodorovna once saved the life of a man by transposing a single comma in a warrant signed by her husband, Alexander III, which exiled a criminal to imprisonment and death in Siberia. On the bottom of the warrant the czar had written: `Pardon impossible, to be sent to Siberia.’ The czarina changed the punctuation so that her husband’s instructions read: `Pardon, impossible to be sent to Siberia.’ The man was set free.
THE BLASPHEMOUS COMMA
In several editions of the King James Bible, Luke 23:32 is changed entirely by the absence of a comma. In the passage that describes the other men crucified with Christ, the erroneous editions read: `And there were also two other malefactors.’ Instead of counting Christ as a malefactor, the passage should read: `And there were also two other, malefactors.’
THE MILLION-DOLLAR COMMA
The US government lost at least a million dollars through the slip of a comma. In the tariff act passed on June 6, 1872, a list of duty-free items included: `Fruit plants, tropical and semitropical’. A government clerk accidentally altered the line to read: `Fruit, plants tropical and semitropical’. Importers successfully contended that the passage, as written, exempted all tropical and semitropical plants from duty fees. This cost the US a fortune until May 9, 1874, when the passage was amended to plug the hole.
I just noticed John O. that you do like commas. “~” Quotation marks are just inverted commas or paired commas in suspension.
(It’s a little slow here at work today…)
Chris,
Drat. You’ve uncovered my secret plot to regain control of the Comma by offering undervalued concessions and flashy titles.
I don’t understand, it worked so well for the government.
John O.
If you want to be tilde instead of a comma, then go ahead, but let me recommend the Treacherous Tilde, or the Temperamental Tilde, perhaps even Tyrannosaurus Tilde.
Just a thought.
Debbie,
Thank you for proving once again just how educational and informative the Comma really is. Your remark is summarily promoted to Medium Size Comma.
I’ve got a comma…in my pants!!
Nobody covered the juvenile humor angle so far, felt it was my duty to oblige.
Always count on me for below-the-belt humor, no pun intended. :)
To rename a noun it is good to offset with commas such as in the example:
My husband, Bob, is a skilled metal worker.
Or:
Bob, my husband, is a skilled metal worker.
It is just so easy to use. The comma is a wonderful punctuation devise that aids us in clarification. Just practice and you too can become a skilled metal worker.
Debbie,
I saw Fording on TV last night. He was in the audience of the National Bingo Night show. I had no idea he liked Bingo.
This is hysterical! I just found you tonight because somehow you ended up on my blog…so I came over here to check you out. I leave comments when I visit. YOU HAD me ROTFLMAO ABOUT HOT MOMMA! Brilliant…you’re just brilliant!
Lynn,
Only you could devise such a device.
(Look who’s got the late night gramma’ now.)
Fortunately for you, with my gracious new homonym forgiveness policy, there will be no increase in your subscription fees.
Just another service…
Ev,
Thank you. You comment reminds me of this one time when I was rolling on the floor with the Hot Comma Momma, but fortunately she was fully decked out in flame retardant clothing so I suffered no injuries.
Please return to comment again soon.
(As a public service, it is my duty to inform you that the best way to ensure regular Comma participation is to subscribe or blogroll or both. Or just move in, there’s room behind the refrigerator, if you don’t mind sharing with a small colony of dust rodents.)
[…] Follow this continuing saga in the next post. […]
Snork!
[…] of you that have been following the great commenting saga that has unfolded on these pages over that last week, will no doubt have spent the entire weekend […]
Thanks Brent! Maybe next time I’ll be large comma worthy. Oh no wait…that (according to the goofy wiring of the female psyche) would make me fat. I’m comfortable with medium.
Lynn,
National Bingo Night? Apparently his royalties are running thin…
Chris,
Correction: “I’ve got a little comma…in my pants.”
I’m sorry I could not resist!