Memorial Day Observed from a Safe Distance
By Brent Diggs on May 28, 2007 in Humor
Happy Memorial Day everyone. This is the day where we think fondly of dead people, and thank them for their contributions to our well being, especially military veterans.
Thank you dead veterans for giving up your freedoms and even your lives to protect the freedom and lives of the rest of us.
Thank you for thinking beyond yourselves, perhaps one day we can do the same.
I would also like to give a note of thanks to all the military families who make tremendous sacrifices but without the all the medals and parades, and back-slapping of the actual military members.
Here ends all serious sentiment, so proceed with caution:
“I’m a pretty, pretty implement of destruction.”
For example, many years ago, while I was off on my Desert Storm camping trip, my wife, the Hot Comma Momma, had to struggle on for months without my sparkling wit, comforting presence, and chiseled manliness. Diligently, she recorded the details of her sad life without me (on pen and paper no less) and mailed them off to me with comforting regularity.
A typical letter went something this:
“My dear beloved husband-man, life has been very challenging without you.
Our child has started to walk. Remember how other people’s kids would take their first staggering steps across the floor from mother to father and back again? Well, without you here to sit opposite me and catch her, she usually runs into the wall.
This has slowed down her progress and I’m sure the resulting dents mean we won’t be getting that security deposit back, but you always told me that these things build character, so I know our little snookems will be strong and hard-headed, just like her father, ready to take on all that life throws at her.
I don’t know if the same can be said for me. Without you here to generate countless pounds of dirty laundry, dirty dishes, and flatulence, I have had to find new meaning for my life. I have taken to reading books and having meaningful conversation with the other military wives. I don’t know how long I can keep this up, please hurry home, unless of course they still need you to liberate Kuwait, in that case stay as long as you need to. I understand.
All my love
-Hot Momma”
I am going to curtail my rambling for now, having gotten myself in enough trouble for one holiday. Happy Memorial Day again and see you all Wednesday.
Follow this continuing saga in the next post.
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Blogrolling the Ominous Comma makes for a conspicuous display of intelligent humor and sheer superiority. Go ahead, you deserve it.
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Please do not ever re-enlist! I’m willing to testify before Congress that your absence would cause a mass uprising.
so you were a dusty comma for awhile?
Debbie,
These days there is a bit more mass to rise up when I stand, but in all fairness I used to be bone thin.
R.J.
The dust behind the ears was the worst, especially wearing glasses. It goes a long way in explaining the way I am today.
Hot Comma Momma is a great nickname.
I thought so too, but you should tune in tomorrow to see what she thinks of it. (not much.)
Uh oh, I’ve said too much. Gotta go.
I’m glad you are not into the sand scene anymore. The sand people probably did not appreciate your humor as much as we do.
[…] Having pushed my luck far enough break a lesser fortune, it was only a matter of time before I heard from Camille, the bold and beautiful mistress of the Comma household in regards to certain…exaggerations and creative liberties I may have taken in the writing of the last post. […]