A Short Conversation With God
By Brent Diggs on May 26, 2008 in Humor
The following exchange is a conversation with God, as expertly alluded to the title.
Me: So God, what do you think of the churches of Memphis? I recently heard that we have more per capita than even Rome. Impressive, huh?
God: Yes, there certainly are a lot of buildings here, and some have really interesting architecture. Then again there’s some that look like converted catfish restaurants. The truth is, Brent, ever since I finished the universe, I’ve pretty much stayed out of construction. These days I’m a lot more interested in the service sector.
Me: Really? I can’t say that I noticed.
God: (sigh) Yeah. Good help is hard to find.
Me: Help?…Oh right, christians. I know what you mean. They can be kind of weird, kind of freaky. Scary even.
God: They had a rough childhood, you know. Always getting beat on and fed to the lions and such. But they never stopped feeding the hungry or taking care of the poor in those early years, they made me really proud.
Me: What happened?
God: You know how kids are. They get to a certain age and they start thinking they don’t need you anymore. That they’ve got it all figured out. Of course, I’m supposed to keep providing the blessings: the sun, the rain, cheap labor in the third world. Other than that they just want me to not bother them while they sit in their rooms and talk to their friends about me.
Me: So basically, you’ve got teenagers?
God: Yeah.
Me: Sorry.
God: I know. I forgive you.
Images courtesy of inflatablechurch.com
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No wonder whenever I ask for something, like borrowing the earth for a Saturday night, or a sleep-over with the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders, all I get is a lecture on responsibility followed by an order to go clean up my ruminations. God just doesn’t understand me.
I don’t understand teenagers either. Something about the world revolving around them…
What would you ever do with the earth? And more importantly, would you top off the polar caps before you returned it?
You have to have these things figured out in case you get asked.
Those kooky Christians….. Always trying to come up with some sort of gimmick to reel’em in. It might be easier if they had some sort of instructions on how to do this sort of thing. (Maybe in book form or something.) They work so hard, but they seem to be forgetting a thing or two. Hopefully they can move past these awkward teen years and then remember how interesting He can be to just sit and talk to. Great post, Brent!!
First, I prefer you in plaid. Second, what’s an inflatable church without gargoyles? Third, cheap labor equals cheap coffee, thank god.
You sure know how to hit a guy where it hurts, Meg.
I admit that I don’t usually buy fair trade coffee, but I guess I should.
I am also sure that inflatable gargoyles are available somewhere, but they probably benefit from sweatshop labor as well.
I’d like to think my plaid is dyed in the good old wage-stable USA but I’m afraid to check.
Inflatable Gargoyles….
http://www.walmart.com/catalog/product.do?product_id=3910313
Thank you Brent,
As always that was amazingly funny and smart. I had no idea there was such a thing as inflatable churches. What will they think of next?
Inflatable parishioners?
Pastors with inflated egos? Oh yeah, we already have those.
I’m thinking a water balloon church could be both practical and efficient.
With the aid of one well placed thumbtack you could perform a mass baptism.
The christian marketing machine would love it too. they could sell spirit-filled wet suits and scripture-engraved snorkels at impressive profit levels.
Bikini’s with crosses or fish on them just seems so wrong.
But could be easily marketed under the slogan: “Covering Your Sins - With Style.”
He never answers me… might be the nature of my questions though.
“If you had to choose one thing what would it be, Bob Saget, or cake?
That is a tricky one.
They both can be kind of sickly sweet, but I guess Saget would be less fattening.
I’m glad I don’t have to decide these things.
NOOOOOOOOO, take the cake, please.
An inflatable church is an excellent idea.
It would never deflate, due to all the hot air that would be expelled from within it.
Making use of such a continually renewable resource is both practical and environmentally sound.
It is definitely a green building practice at work.
Nice post, Brent. And you know, God gave us teenagers so *we* would know what it’s like to have someone created in our image who denies our existence. ;-)
Now THAT’S a quotable quote!!
Oh that is a good one Jeffrey! Hmmm…
I love the OC readers!
It has been a powerful lesson, Jeff.
You never realize the obnoxiousness of your own attitude so thoroughly as when you see it at work in another.
And that right there is another quotable quote!
It reminds me of the first time I realized I had turned into my father.
My firstborn, then about 2 or 3 years old, asked if he could have/do something (don’t remember the specifics) and I said no. To which he replied, totally innocent: “Why not? Because you said so?”
Don’t worry honey. The next time I am in Costa Rica I will buy you more coffee that is inexpensive and fair. I can’t help you with the plaid suit though.
I’m looking for a twelve step program for kicking the plaid habit.
Just as long as there is lots of free coffee at the meetings.
I am not sure I like this feeling God’s pain stuff. Way too close…
Why can’t the Christians do like all the other teenagers and stay in their rooms and sleep all the time?
You’ll just have to be satisfied with one day a week.
Excellent post.
Teenagers are one thing, but what about those people in their 30s and 40s who still haven’t matured? Lets hope Christinas don’t fall into that category.
I’m afraid people like that can be found in every faith, clique, and culture.
Growing up is hard work.
Excellent.
Thanks man.
[…] Diggs presents A Short Conversation With God posted at The Ominous […]
Hmmm… wouldn’t it be dangerous to have a shotgun wedding there and the groom decided to make a run for it!??
You could bring the house down.
hahaha! it is very dangerous believe me!
Thanks for the challenge, Dr. Comma. It is always tough pondering how to be a authentic Christ-follower in the western world.
And once the pondering is over, things really get interesting.
[…] Diggs presents A Short Conversation With God posted at The Ominous […]
There are a lot of comments on this one. I’m impressed.