Author Discovers Educational Garment and Revels in Joy of Discovery
By Brent Diggs on Sep 26, 2007 in Adventures of the Author, Humor
Today I am borrowing a page from Joel at Crummy Church Signs, who I trust will not get upset if I accidentally spindle, fold, or mutilate it in my excitement as I present the first, and possibly last, Crummy School Shirt post.
The article of clothing in question was given to my wife, the Hot Comma Momma, as a token of respect from certain unsavory individuals who had previously lured her away from OC headquarters and onto her Adventures in Another Country.
I am not really sure what the technical name is for a promotional souvenir of this type. I am thinking souvertisemet.*
Unfortunately, she would not model it for us, claiming to be in possession of dignity and self-respect, qualities that I have lacked a personal acquaintance with ever since I took upon myself the mantle of a humorist.**
From the first moment I saw this garment tastefully adorning the her HotMommaness, I have been subject to cackling fits of manly, testosterone-fueled laughter.
Study A broad?
Indeed. Sign me up for extra credit.
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*I had toyed with the name Advenir, but it sounded more like pain-killing vinyl siding for the house.
**It was Mark Twain’s mantle and I am ready to return it. It’s quite heavy and keeps leavings splinters in my back.
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This post is gingerly sneaking past the Hot Comma Momma to go out and play with its friends at humor-blogs.com
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Hey - somebody stole some of my stand-up stuff! I sometimes do a bit about “taking a year off and spending it abroad”. OK, it’s aimed at transgendered folks, but still …
Geez, is there no honor among comics? Oh, there isn’t? Well …
Sorry,
This piece literally fell into my laundry basket. You wouldn’t expect a man to ignore his laundry would you?
(It’s ok if you say yes.)
I would never encourage anyone to ignore their laundry, because I know how angry it makes clean underwear to be ignored. If it continues, one day the underwear just has had enough and decides to leave - usually at a very inopportune moment.
I believe my blog-mate Dr. Toboggans has done some pioneering work in the field of Undergarment Restoration Therapy.
From what I heard it’s not always pretty, since the undies are often soiled and stretched out of shape by that point.
I guess that he makes the big bucks.
That and blackmail.
I stopped studying “broads” when I got married. At that time I changed my major to studying “wives”
Unfortunately I profited little from the change and I have been receiving poor grades ever since. My lack of progress has resulted in me re-taking several of the same classes over and over again.
Here is a list of some of the required classes:
Class # Class Title Credit Hours
RM01 Does this dress make me look fat? 2
RM35 Do you think she is pretty? 2
RM17 Do you like my mother? 2
RM05 What are you really thinking? 4
The thing I really hate is that the professor never give multiple choice exams. All of the questions are essay and every time I fail I have to pay for the class all over again.
How many times have you have to take
RM14 Do I look as old as I feel?
Why are they always essay questions?
If they couldn’t spring for multiple choice, they could at least give us true or false. I think I could do alright.
As much as I would like to think I am a quick wit; it took me a minute to comprehend this one. Maybe it is because I’ve never vocalized the word “broad” in all its demeaning candor. Does that make me a priss-butt? (Don’t answer that Chris!)
No…that makes you a “broad”
(sorry I could not help it, that’s why I keep failing the class)
No need to answer…. I think your response speaks for itself.
I was joking fellas. I’m leaving now.
Thanks Chris you are always so kind.
Oh that’s good John O. and very much deserved! I love to hand feed degradation!
Personally I just fill up a bowl once a day and let degradation feed it’s self.
(you also have to remember to change the litter box)
If you get the clumping kind all the degradation sticks together so you can neatly flush it away
Ok, little Ms. Priss-Butt can’t handle the thought of clumping degradation! Enough! I must go wash my hands or something!
Speaking of “clumping degradation” I’m off to chair a meeting. For the next hour there will be much degradation forming clumps around the conference room….
I’ll ck back latter…..
Genius, simply genius. If I had a payroll you’d be on it.
Ewwwwwwww. Well, you’ve done your duty (dooty) for today John O.
Seriously, are all men the same?
Pretty darn close I think. Thank God you’re here New Diva, I’m saved.
(Just remember a thorough hand washing may be needed before you leave)
Seriously, are all women the same???
We all have fallen into that cavernous space of stereotypes…but I’m not complaining, that is how I like my stereotypes, nice and predictable!!
Oh and my men…er studies, too…
Remember freelove…Hollie
Diva,
On Monday my wife was running my castle. Today I’m studying her broadliness.
This is what passes for fair and balanced coverage around here.
Remember, they are not gender wars, they are affectionate skirmishes in mutual misunderstanding.
What a sexist idea…….
All men are not alike….
(however all real men are)
Character is what God & Angels know of us; reputation is what men and women think of us.
Character is what you are when no one is looking.
Oh like when you have to go to the bathroom?
So, what your saying then is:
When I snoop in someone’s medicine cabinet looking for their old unfinished prescriptions that’s “charater’?
No John O but that’s close…
I was trying to think of the only time one would be “completely” alone with no one looking at them.
Back to your medicine cabinet theory:
If you found hemorrhoid cream in someone’s medicine cabinet what does that say about their character?
I was thinking more along the lines of doing the pee-pee dance outside the bathroom, alone in the hallway.
Do you pound on the door or do you suffer patiently?
Do you really have to have character if you are one? (The quintessential question of my life.)
Do you really have to have character if you are one? (The quintessential question of my life.)
Brilliant Brent. That is why you are the author of this humor factory blog.
I think advenir works okay, but maybe something like adrelic would do the trick. Maybe that sounds too chemical like arsenic. It’s a funny t-shirt but I probably wouldn’t wear it. Too gimmicky.
Thanks for sharing!
I like adrelic, but it sound like an adjective to me. How about we define it as “charmingly commercial in nature.”
As in….alright, I can’t even think of a sentence to put it in.
You win.
(Thanks for coming by)
Do men cackle?
Oh Sally,
They are so like hyenas in so many ways.
Strong-jawed and highly intelligent?
Good one your Lordship, two points for our team.
(Can you put hyenas in teams? What would you do with them, haul a sled across the desert? Seems like we would have seen it on national geographic if it were possible.)
I believe Lynn was referring to their (hyenas) penchant for gluttony & uncleanliness.
When we see:
(Comments won’t nest below this level)
Does that mean we have sunk as low as we can go?
Finally we agree!