Carping Diem: Annoying
By Brent Diggs on Nov 14, 2007 in Harold Toboggans, Humor
Like a lingering illness, Doctor Harold Toboggans, is working his way through your system.
Far too late to induce vomiting, a laxative and OSHA approved hearing protection are highly recommended
“Isn’t there someone else you should be annoying right now?“
Dr. Toboggans is the staff psychologist, resident motivational speaker, and official personal development coach of the Ominous Comma. Like a herd of rabid flatulent badgers it is best to avoid eye contact with the doctor unless you have thick leather gloves and hopefully a better metaphor. Even then you should exercise extreme caution, preferably in a distant health club.
Learn more about the amazing Dr. Toboggans here. Another service of the Ominous Comma, the first, middle*, and last name in negligent humor.
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*Use of the middle name does not necessarily constitute parental disciplinary measures, but it is strongly implied.
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For a limited engagement, the Doctor is accepting cases at Humor-blogs.com.
Don’t hold your breath for a cure.
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Yes, but they told me to go see you.
I thought you enjoyed shining the light into the darkest corners of my splintered subconscious looking for all those boogeymen?
The doctor has off days, just like everyone else. The only real difference is the number of enemies waiting to pounce when it happens.
Remember me? I’m the gin-chugging choo-choo of derailed dependence *sob,sob* I was at your Sri Lanka office last monday…WHERE WERE YOU??? Helping some OTHER person?
I can never trust you again man. You said you would help, but now I’m just stranded in Sri Lanka swilling gin with a bunch of ex-pats…eating fried lizards and green bananas…searching fruitlessly for a bottle of Immodium and some REALLY soft toilet paper…a tip for you…never eat fried lizards and green bananas.
I will now melt into the seamy underworld of gin-soaked diarrhea-ridden choo-choos of derailed dependence. Farewell.
My dear….Karen, the long journey to clarity begins with a single stumble.
Due to a small matter of possible extradition, I can’t be seen in Sri Lanka right now, but having proved that you have the determination and patience to endure my maximum intensity therapy we can begin in earnest to proceed to step 2:
Hitch a ride to the Yukon and inquire around until you find my secondary assistant, Hershal Shmocking.
It will probably go quicker if you start your search at the local jail.
Once you find him (and most likely pay his bail) he will provide you with the next step in your curative process.
If he suggests a private session in a secluded locale, feel free to apply of my patented Blunt Object Therapy to his skull-ward region.
It might require several application to be effective.
Have stolen a small reed canoe complete with entire Sri Lankan family who live on it with their goat, chickens, pigs and 12 children STOP Am headed for the Yukon STOP Have armed myself with recommended Blunt Object for Blunt Object Therapy and large supply of green bananas for bail bartering STOP Have set the kids to rowing and will be there soon if their little arms hold out END
I am impressed with the shape of his nose in this picture…
The doctor employs a fleet of personal trainers, with one dedicated entirely to his nose, tasked with keeping it in top shape and ready for action.
Because you can never tell when you might have to sniff derisively.
Brent, BRENT!!
You are KILLING ME with your pictures! LOLOLOL
OMG *wiping tears from eyes*…..
I just NEVER EVER know what I’m going to find when I open your page.
I wish you would have a reality show of your life. I would be a rapt audience. :)
A show of life with my family would start an entire new genre, Surreality TV.
I’ll let you know when I sell the rights.
Doctor Toboggans,
Dr. Wong reccomends coffee to ward off a senile nervous disorder…and now wat is ur say on obssessive coffee sloshing for ur readers (er…ur patients)???
Coffee is for the weak and neurotic. My former patient, Brent, drank it by the gallon when he wasn’t sloshing all over himself.
As for myself, I require nothing other than the stimulation provided by my own genius.
And an occasional lithium martini.
Dear Dr. T. — You are not looking very well. Perhaps travelling does not agree with you. Also, it seems that you have lost your glasses. So, I got you a new pair, along with a bit more color — over at my blog. (Sorry, I just couldn’t figure out how to post the picture here, darn it!) Hope you’re feeling like your old self again soon.
My tastes are very refined, but I tend to withhold judgment when the subject is as captivating as this.
Doctor Toboggans makes Rickey feel all antsy in the pantsy.
Hysterical Skivvy Insect Syndrome is not unusual for men of your emotional makeup.
Your tendency to sit on ant farms is.
Did someone hit you in a bad place? You look so pained in that picture. You know, more fiber will help you.
Actually, part of the problem was the Doctor’s participation in the new cardboard-fiberglass diet.
He lost 62 pounds, all from his ankles.
Now that is a familiar face. I saw that face at least twice before my escape.
I know one time was when your check bounced, what was the other time?
Have you tried some prune juice?
I’m sorry the doctor is not in right now. Your suggestion will be forwarded to the Executive Assistant of Unpleasant Beverages.