Carping Diem: Cancelled
By Brent Diggs on May 9, 2007 in Harold Toboggans, Humor
An Announcement by the Doctor.
This is Dr. Harold Toboggans and due to the escape of one of my inmates clients, I am afraid I have no wisdom to share with you today. Instead, I must concentrate all my energies on recovering my poor lost patient.
She answers to the name Lynn. She is highly distraught, emotionally unstable, and nothing she says should be taken too literally. Especially if it incriminates me.
At this very moment my therapeutic minions are scouring the countryside for her…which is rather counterproductive considering that our facility is located in a urban island metropolis. Please excuse me for one minute…
Alright. My new minions are now sweeping the coastline and searching all outbound transport, desperate to retrieve this poor, fractured woman, so she may continue her CounterRetrogressionImmersiveInduction Therapy before all progress is lost. Any information concerning the whereabouts of this fugitive can be forwarded to this publication. Just don’t expect any money.
As you can see, I am far too busy to provide you with a glimpse of my genius today.
My secretary will show you out.
Learn more about the amazing Dr. Toboggans here. Another service from your intelligent humor provider: the Ominous Comma.
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after reading enough of Lynn’s comment — I do think she needs some help. Send out the Toboggan dogs to sniff her out…
MEMO: CARPING LYNN
To: Dr. Harold Toboggans
Clinical OC Staff Psychologist
From: Debbie, Attractive Patient
Dear Harry,
Thanks to my intrinsically fortified escape plan, Lynn is free. I know first hand the enormous amount of pain and suffering she has endured under your care. She has been so distraught lately that her demeanor resembles that of a retarded individual.
Call off the minions, it is no use. You will never find her. Lynn is my close personal friend of five minutes so there is no way I would negotiate her release with you *. I know you are going to be upset with me and our next session may involve weaponry and bullets but I don’t care…Lynn is worth the risk.
With all due respect Dr. Toboggans, I have been paying close attention to how you operate over the last 6 months. I’ve learned how to be sinister, manipulative and goofy. I may even open my own practice.
If Lynn decides to resume her CounterRetrogressionImmersiveInduction Therapy then so be it, however; you must explain that it is in her best interest and not purely for your amusement.
Sincerely,
Debbie
* If, in fact, you decide a large cash settlement is in order I would perhaps raise and eyebrow and open one ear.
Lynn,
Gulp…um…we’re in big trouble…
Run Lynn! Run!!!
You can run but you cannot hide, my dear. Soon you will return to me.
One way or another.
DanDan,
How far did you say I needed to run?
Debbie,
I’m a bit disappointed in you. I thought that we had truly bonded in those 5 minutes. Now, I realize that Dr. T was correct about you.
Sarah,
Help.
Eddie,
Help.
John O.
Help.
rjlight,
I have a bridge to sell you.
Lord Farnsworth,
Help.
Stevie Wonder,
Help.
Anonymous,
Help.
Queen Elizabeth,
Help. And send a hat.
George Bush,
Don’t even think about helping me.
Brent,
Help.
Fording,
I will give the exclusive rights (including future movies) to my story for your assistance.
Magee,
A little assistance at this juncture would be simply smashing!
Mary Poppins,
Can I have some sugar please?
My Dearest Lynn,
Surely you know I was just trying to confuse the “good” Doctor. You’re my OC sister and always will be!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Any cash settlement Toboggans would have offered would be split 50/50…ok..ok…40/60…10/90 ?…alright it’s all yours! You deserve it for all the pain and suffering.
So the good doctor was right about me? I’m so hurt. (Maybe he is trying to turn us against each other?)
I think we all need an intense group therapy session!
Lynn,
I am afraid that it might take more than a spoonful of sugar to get your medicine down this time.
Debbie,
I am not entirely sure that Dr. T and the word “right” belong in the same sentence. Unless of course it starts, “You have the right to remain silent…”
Lynn, a bridge — really? wow, I never thought about buying a bridge…
I have more than one. If you act now, I will add a third bridge free when you buy the first two!
Debbie,
It’s ok, maybe it will throw the Dr. off if he thinks that we are no longer working together.
I found a great hiding place. I hope that there are no bats here.
Dr. T seems to have a lot of love to share.
Who is Fording?
Lynn sounds like a lovely person. I hope that she is ok.
I’m so glad that you found a good hiding place Lynn. I wish you the best of luck.
The Dr. is so full of compassion.
Who is this Fording again?
I’ve been bit. Anyone have some medicine. I don’t want this to get infected.
Due to unforeseen circumstances with my indentured servitude / day job, I will not be able to moderate your comments like I try to. Please chat amongst yourselves.