Copious Comments - Guaranteed
By Brent Diggs on Dec 19, 2007 in Harold Toboggans, Humor
The following is a paid advertisement of Toboggans’ Industries.
You’ve worked hard on your blog.
You’ve found the best platform, selected the best template, picked out the best pictures of your cat.
You’ve poured your heart out onto the page.
,
You deserve comments.
And with Toboggans’ Industries CommentStone™ Digital Correspondence System, affordable quality comments can be yours.
For the low, low price of $19.97 a week CommentStone™ will post interesting and valuable comments on your blog straight from our expert team of professional commentors.
Before you know it your posts could be receiving high praise, like this:
- “LOL! u r 2 funny.”
- “Hi, I enjoyed visiting your blog and found it quite informative. Plz do drop some time and visit my blog. Looking forward to your valuable feedback.”
- “Love your blog. I’ll read it when I get a chance.”
- “Vote for me in the Unkle Funky Who’s Your Bloggy? contest.”
- “Hi!!…you have two blogs very interesting!!!… best wishes!!!! :)”
- “Economy Liposuction. Click for more details.”
Don’t be the only one in the blogosphere with the embarrassing “Zero Comments” tag attached to your posts, get CommentStone™ today.
—–
This post is garnering countless comments at humor-blogs.com
Related Articles:
RSS
Email
How very observant of you to notice we of the shunned. The zero comment crowd. Blogs whose numbers are going up on the stats, but whose comments remain in the 0-5 per week range. These comments you have listed, Dr.Toboggans himself thought them up didn’t he? They have his thoughtful and insightful flavor about them. Also they are completely generic, appropriate for all blogs. Sign me up! I’ll be sending you a check, eventually.
oops, I should have replied to your comment when I commented down there.
I guess I should have said, my stats have gone from 20 or 30 people to 100 or 200 people. Not exactly stunning or anything. And since the comments are not coming with them, I suspect that they may be EntreCard droppers, who would leave me comments like the fine doctor if they bothered. Also, despite writing posts for money, and monetizing then un-monetizing then re-monetizing my blog, I’ve made about as much money in 6 months as I would have in 1 day of my previous job.
And all you have to do is hand that money over to Dr. T and you’ll be awash in deeply meaningful comments.
Here is a genuine comment from a real live gorilla to confound your cynicism. A blog with no comments takes up less of the blogger’s time and has a Zen-like simplicity about it.
As a live gorilla on the internet, I can see how a commentless blog would be a blessing…as it must be very difficult for you to type.
Unless of course you have a jumbo-size keyboard, or perhaps grunt recognition software.
Let me guess - I’ve already been tagged for a promotional offer, haven’t I? Because the last one listed up there looks familiar.
Oh, what the hell. Sign me up!
Click here for affordable, curb-side liposuction fat disposal.
Does this work on myspace blogs? Ha!
Yes, but those comments come with blurry pictures of inebriated co-eds.
I think someone tossed the commentStone through my window. Karen at least your numbers are going up and up. Mine are going down–maybe it’s because I’m spending 1/10 of the time on my blog as I used to. My blog has no $ links so I can’t make any $ on it anyway. I just feel more love when those numbers go up into the thousands like they were before. Okay, not the thousands the ones.
Fortunately for you,RJ, CommentStone comes in both mac and windows versions, to ensure maximum commentapatibility. With Dr T’s patented algorithm, you’ll be in the double digits in no time.
This is one of those phishing scams. As soon as you reply, some “Dr.” Toboggan is going to tell you that he’s been entrusted with 35 million positive blog comments in Nigeria and all you need to do is send him your password and login and then he’ll deposit them on your site.
As soon as you send him the info, all your witty comments and evocative prose is sucked right off the screen and you’re turned into an airport bathroom hookup link page. (Mind you, it might increase the hit count, so there’s that going for you.)
We like to call this service “Internet Environmental Balancing.”
As I’m sure you’ll agree, the key to a fair and balanced internet is to ensure that dangerous quantities of quality content are not allowed to pile up on any one site. Instead, the dedicated professionals at Toboggans’ Industries break up overly concentrated deposits of literary wealth and spread them around the blogoshpere, replacing them with an assortment of bland, non-threatening tripe.
In this way we maintain the stability of civilized digital exchange.
Oh…
Well then, sign me up!
You forgot one…
‘very interesting but I don’t agree with you.’
If you use this one you must include the obligatory signature ‘Idetrorce’ on the rock.
It is socially irresponsible to post a comment like that on a blog with such a wealth of opinions, assertions, and outright fabrications as the Comma, without specifying which questionable piece of information you disagree with.
As you see, Chris, I’ll give you my response to idetroce’s annoying comment, but he will receive only the icy cold silence of blank comment boxes.
Unless of course you know who this idetroce is….
Hi, I enjoyed visiting your blog and found it quite informative. Plz do drop some time and visit my blog. Looking forward to your valuable feedback
My feedback is a bit too valuable to just drop off on your blog without suitable payment. Even for you, Your Lordship.
Please send in you first installment for service activation.
I really like your hair.
Will that suffice?
I’m interested in this commentstone, but have seen other comment’inamimate objects’ advertised on tv, what gauruntees can you give me about your product. I tried the Watkins comment tennis ball and had no luck. I do not wish to be burned again.
I completely understand, Your Eminence.
You see, the chief flaw of the Watkins system is the way that comments tend to rebound off of hardline, opinionated blogs and other inflexible media.
This problem is eliminated by the doctor’s patented fecal-delivery system. With this revolutionary breakthrough, although comments are rather pungent when delivered, they thoroughly adhere to any blogging platform. So much so, that the doctor has begun a profitable side-business marketing industrial-grade blog-scrapers.
Hmmm that does seem like it would be a great improvement to my blog, and will only increase once the new smell-net technology ‘they’ are working on is complete, imagine when ever some one smells dookie, they will think of my blog.
This comment has been automatically generated by the Spears institute for advanced education on premature fertility.
That is very funny, Creechman, great laugh. I am ordering an advance copy of mom Spears parenting book. Is it titled “What not to do when parenting?”
Can I get a custom “Is Exxon paying you to have a blog?” Can I further get a discount? Like three comments, say, for 15 cents?
How many of your comments will deal with, um, you know, . . . “dysfunction”? Hot Russian women seeking elderly husbands? Lucrative home envelope stuffing income opportunities?
Is there a bulk discount rate available
for “big name” political clique
corrals?