Saying Goodbye to Doctor Toboggans
By Brent Diggs on Jun 19, 2008 in Harold Toboggans, Humor
After a long time of holding out faith, hope, and various restraining orders, it appears that Doctor Harold Toboggans is finally and truly gone.
Even the renowned Memphis Psychiatric Recovery Team has called off their search and concentrated their efforts instead on comforting his former clients during their time of grief and newly reclaimed cash flow.
It seems that there is nothing left to do but to mourn his passing and how long it took to arrive.
That and try to lay claim to the lucrative patents held by Toboggans Industries.
So here is your opportunity to bid farewell to that fount of hot air and therapeutic malpractice, and to raise a toast…or perhaps an army in his memory.
I know it’s difficult, but please take a moment to share your most awkward, painful, or just plain expensive memories of Doctor Harold Toboggans.
It’s okay, you’re among friends.
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P.S. If you like my fine collection of Tobogganabilia and would like to be my super special photo-buddy, or would just like to see a higher resolutioned slideshow, you can find me here:
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Dr. T always said he wanted to be remembered with a click on humor-blogs.com and a quick round of alltop.com.
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From the Desk of The Chairman, DONCO Inc.
It is with a great deal of Corporate sympathy that we at DONCO Inc., (Manufacturers of the popular arboriferous cube, Le Bloc (Now with our summer special, two Le Blocs for half the price of four previously!) mark the assumed passing of Dr. Harold Toboggans.
Harcourt was a personal friend, and during the short period of time that he ran our main office HR department, productivity at our branch facilities improved tremendously.
Harlan was
outstandingexcellentpunctual leader, and we shall miss his laughter, which rang through the halls here at DONCO all hours of the day and night.God Speed Harvey! Our Loss is Your Gain. (Speaking of which Brent, we seem to be missing much of silverware from the executive dining room. Look around would you?)
Sincerely,
Don Lewis
DONCO Inc.
I too remember his brief stint at DONCO, and the Management by Pepper-Spray style of leadership he introduced there.
It was really good to get him out of the house.
In times like these it is important to remember the good times. I don’t know if the doctor had any but it is always good advice none the less.
Well, there was that one time when….Oh, that wasn’t him.
Nevermind.
thanks for visiting me earlier today. i enjoy your wit and southern flavor!
Thank you, it’s a smokey, nutty flavor with just a hint of saffron.
Or was it lithium? I lost the recipe and I just can’t remember anymore.
ughh!!!!
Brent, we all know what really happened.
But for 10% of The Estate, I’ll delete the evidence entirely.
PS: I am preserving the mustache in a hermetically-sealed plastic display case to preserve the historic import of our noble fallen colleague forever.
… Any bidders?
I think you’ll need a Hazmat team to take that thing off your hands.
If it’ll come off at all.
How did you get the stache? Are you the killer?
Who killed Dr. T?
Van Helsing would be my bet. Although it’s doubtful even he could pull it off.
It is a sad day indeed…
The fact that he split town and is spending all our money at some exotic locale that is.
Not to mention, Doctor Harold Toboggans stole my mustache!
I wouldn’t expect it back.
And I definitely wouldn’t take it back if offered. Not even after a thorough health department decontamination.
To some things, the word “safe” will never apply.
Not even with super-glue.
Holy cow Batman, I had an atomic powered toboggan once that glowed in the dark. It seemed after I got it things went downhill fast. I ran over three poets and then things went from bad to verse. They sued me and got all my money, so from then on it really was tough sledding for me.
Stop the pun-ishment. This is hard enough already.
Actually, it’s not that hard. Except for all the puns.
Ah, what a sad day. I’ll never forget the time he and I snuck off to go ice fishing during the “Laughter, The Best Medicine: Applications of Humor to Psychology” symposium where he presented his famous “shock humor therapy” paper. I shall not shave my cheesy mustache for a year in his honor.
I remember hearing about that. As I recall, the only real therapeutic use found for that particular paper was house-breaking wayward pets.
I wish we knew what made him leave. I only wonder because this is a magic trick that might need to be repeated.
Vaya con doritos, Doctor.
I’m sure it could prove to be quite lucrative, if we could ever duplicate its success. I have no doubt that there is a thriving market for Toboggans repellent.
I’d buy a couple hundred gallons just as a contingency.
Favorite memory?…hhmmm….favorite memory…….. All, I can remember is a request for routing number, jumper cables and the smell of burnt moose hair. And for some reason, I woke to find that I’m employed by the Army and spending a disturbing amount of time in the woods. Now that he’s gone, can I have that neck tie?
If you really want it then you may be in need of more of his therapy.
That thing is hideous.
I… I um… oh god I thought I could hold it together. I can remember once ordering a Toboggans certifeied cranial excavator… and uh… when I got it and opened it… there was simply an I.O.U note saying sorry. Excuse me I have to go light a candle in honour of this great man… *sniff*
Wow, you’re really broken up about this.
A candle?….I usually just lit a match.
I know, I mean I really wanted that cranial excavator, that cheating moustached bastardo!
Though I didn’t know Dr. Toboggans very well, he seemed like a very genuine man. I am sure he could never be replaced, but know there are many that will come alongside all in this time to keep us company and humored.
I afraid you’re right Scott, you didn’t know him very well.
I’d like to say he’ll be missed, but I’m trying to cut down on internet deception.
Happy Friday.
(It is Friday in Brussels, isn’t it?)
And just when I need him most.
Perhaps there is a place for his mustache alongside the Sacred Shroud of Somethingorother.
A moment of relative silence…
That is just like the doctor to leave you hanging in your time of need.
Although if he were here, it would probably be by your thumbs.
I’m in shock.
If I can gather myself (selves?) together, I will attempt a few words of memorial…
Go slowly.
It may take some time to recover from this, a bereavement like this cannot be rushed.
It may even last until tomorrow.
What?
Excuse me, but I refuse to believe this.
Lynn? Are you there?
Help!
Dr. T is the only reason I loathe myself. He is the only reason I can’t get out of bed in the morning. He is the only one who knows how to make me feel inadequate and idiotic. He is the only one who never listens to me during therapy and then suggests for me to just end it all because I’m a loser………OH MY GOD!…What would I do without him?
Tissue…anyone?
(So are you going to hire that guy in purple plaid to take Dr. T’s place? Ruckford I think is his name)
I am in no hurry to replace Dr T. After all who ever could.
His absence should be savored…I mean honored with a long period of public mourning, as it fitting for a man of his eminence.
The party would follow some time afterward.
Party? I like parties.
Don’t worry Debb, I’m still here to reveal your short comings to you. Its a busy job, but someone has to do it.
Hmmmm… I think you may be on to something Chris non-C. Please just don’t make me eat any bugs ok?
Debbie’s only shortcoming was listening to people who told her she had shortcomings!
Debbie,
I feel like a kid running through the meadow on a warm spring day. There are ponies, flowers, and a rainbow. I’m sooooooo happy. Life is good.
Ok, Ok, Dr. T was an egomaniac…but he had some redeeming qualities…I’ll think of them when I’m not upset.
I was afraid this.
Already people have been dipping into the good doctor’s unguarded stash of narcotics.
I knew I’d waited too long.
I planted a tree in his honor. It died.
You should’ve tried planting it in his ego. Or his arrogance. Or his mustache. (Or were they all one and the same?)
His mustache did look like it was full of nutrients.
I realize this is a sad time. I’ve got Xanax if you need it.
Thanks, but I’m holding together somehow.
Dr. Toboggans, I hardly knew ye.
And for that I am rather grateful.
I don’t know, Your Lordship, you two have a lot in common. You would have either gotten along famously or killed each other.
By the way, where were you when the doctor disappeared?
lol! yeah they have a lot in common.
That music always makes me so sad. You wouldn’t like me when I’m sad.
Don’t do it Debbie!
It’s ok to cry. Only for about 5 seconds though.
The sad-walking-away-music from The Hulk makes the video montage seem very poignant.
And if it wasn’t Dr. T. it would be.
[…] Saying Goodbye to Doctor Toboggans by Brent Diggs […]
Well, even if I don’t know Dr. T personally, but I appreciate his contribution. May he rest in peace.