Due Process

Last week Brent asked me to be a guest blogger while he was on vacation. Actually it was more like begging and I hate to see a grown man grovel so I said yes. I’m kidding, he paid me. Kidding again, he didn’t ask. I hacked his domain and hijacked today’s post spot because that is how I roll…

…Rickroll.

Hey at least I used the death metal version. Much less lame. Somehow Slayer doing Rick Astley seems unholy though, especially when set to the same video.

He also called for people to explain their thought process on writing humor. Since I couldn’t come up with anything else to write about I figured whatever, kill two birds with one stone. I love doing that because it saves time and makes the hippies and enviro-nuts mad at the same time. A win-win situation in my book.

Writing a humor blog is challenging. Every time I start my computer up I have to deal with my anti-virus and firewall software updates. That’s like twenty minutes right there, especially with having to restart the PC because some company told me their software isn’t really ready unless I reboot. Then Firefox decides to update as well. Then a Mythbusters I haven’t seen is showing on Discovery.

Still I preserver.

There were many times I wanted to talk about how an idea becomes a rough draft then develops into a final post. I would go on and on about all the twists and turns the idea took, sometimes even changing completely. I would explain how long they take to create from start to finish.

You can wake up now.

This would be like when you go to Open Mike night and there’s some moonbat explaining why every note is there, and the meaning behind each chord for like an hour. Usually it is a boring story of how their crappy song brings back memories of their dead uncle when in reality their relative was more like Uncle Ned on Family Ties.

Play the song already and pass the vanilla extract.

One thing you have to be careful using are obscure references like that one I just made. In the Uncle Ned (‘Say Uncle’) episode he downs a bottle of vanilla extract to Elyse’s horror and states: “What, did you want some?” Unless you have seen it you will have no clue what I mean and it wouldn’t be funny.

Explaining the joke is killing the joke by the way.

By now you might have figured out I must not have a thought process on writing a humor blog. I do. My creativity is like Neo in The Matrix. The rest of my brain is like Councilor Hamann who wonders how I come up with what I write about.

The only difference is that my humor isn’t going to save the world any time soon. But it does have a purpose: to entertain.

Isn’t that the most important thing in a humor blog post anyways? Well, midgets and monkeys are a big help too but they have to be entertaining or dressed up in scenes from famous movies.

—–

Great, but somewhat belated thanks to Chris Cameron of Angry Seafood for this rousing yet low sodium guest post.

Show this man some Comma love: vote this on Humor-Blogs.com

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19 Comments »

Comment by don
2008-07-21 21:20:24

That was incredibly helpful. I think, no…I know now that I have been doing it all wrong. And the answer was so simple. Well, that’s always the way, isn’t it?

But now I understand; the whole process is encapsulated in those simple words: “…restart the PC…”

 
Comment by leigh
2008-07-21 22:00:10

that song was incredibly painful. i need some maraschino cherry juice.

Comment by Chris C
2008-07-21 22:02:22

The whole bottle should do the trick leigh.

 
 
Comment by Chris C
2008-07-21 22:00:44

If it was helpful I must have screwed up. My apologies and next time I will post more lolcat pics.

 
Comment by Alex L.
2008-07-22 02:26:03

Non of the pics appeared for me :(

Obscure references are the best.

 
Comment by SinisterDan Subscribed to comments via email
2008-07-22 06:32:44

That is, without a doubt, the only Councilor Hamann reference that I have ever read.

Way to go.

 
Comment by Chris non-C
2008-07-22 12:02:21

Human-caused climate change is a myth? Does that mean I don’t have to trade in my manhood for a Prius? Sweet!! Personally I think climate change is caused by lolcats.

Comment by Fiar Subscribed to comments via email
2008-07-22 14:20:43

No, you’re thinking of Ebola. Humon-caused global warming is caused by dirty hippies that want us to revert to outhouses and horse drawn carriages, and rivers that act as sewage treatment plants.

I think that causes Ebola too.

 
 
Comment by Anonymous
2008-07-22 18:13:48

Global Warming jokes (?)…just a bunch of hot air if you ask me…or is it cow flatulence?

 
Comment by meg
2008-07-22 18:41:49

Who are you and why don’t you blog here more often?

Comment by Chris C
2008-07-23 13:06:34

I’m Chris Cameron. You would have to ask Brent that second question. I’m up for it on my end. :)

 
 
Comment by Rickey Henderson
2008-07-22 19:43:36

Funny stuff… the fascinating thing is that Diesel of HB bears an eerie resemblance to the guy from Mythbusters.

 
Comment by mac daniels
2008-07-22 19:58:05

dressing up monkeys is key. no doubt about it. i like to put a toga on mine and pretend he’s a gladiator.

 
Comment by diesel
2008-07-22 21:26:20

“Diesel of HB bears an eerie resemblance to the guy from Mythbusters.”

Which guy, the one on the left or the one on the right? I think I look kind of like the orangutan.

 
Comment by Brent Diggs
2008-07-22 22:43:46

Day 4: Still no sign of Toboggans…What’s all this? Chris how did you get here?

No matter how it came about, you’ve definitely inspired me:

monkeys for everyone.

 
Comment by Rickey Henderson
2008-07-23 07:28:24

Diesel: both, actually. You kind of resemble their love child. (Rickey kids, he kids…)

 
Comment by Brett
2008-07-23 16:08:02

I think Tom Hanks, Keanu Reeves and the monkey should do a movie about being trapped on an island full of mr. smiths…it’s got Oscar written all over it!

Comment by Chris non-C
2008-07-23 22:42:27

Oscar??? That’s a horrible name for a movie. I think you call it Tropical Trunk Monkey and the B-list Island Men.
Actually, that’s a great name for a rock band. (Someone call Dave Barry!!!!)

 
 
Comment by Daphna
2008-07-28 13:45:28

Yeah it is Horrible name for a movie. Sadly, I dont like it.

 
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