The Hot Comma Momma Responds - Author Dodges Certain Doom
By Brent Diggs on May 30, 2007 in Humor
Having pushed my luck far enough to break a lesser fortune, it was only a matter of time before I heard from Camille, the bold and beautiful mistress of the Comma household, in regards to certain…exaggerations and creative liberties I may have taken in the writing of the last post.
So in exchange for her patience and understanding and sheer put-up-with-me-ness compounded over many years, I have graciously granted her a space on this platform to present her side of the story, in this case presented as a list of corrections.
This is it:
Life Without Brent
My husband’s latest edition of “sparkling wit” has inspired me to give a response. Not just any response, but one a bit closer to actual truth than what Brent has been dolling out these days.
First, I do not now, nor have I ever signed my name “Hot Momma.”
Second, although I did miss Brent’s comforting presence and chiseled manliness while he was stationed in a land far far away, his sparkling wit is debatable.
Third, I prefer to be addressed by name and not by temperature.
Fourth, Our daughter did learn how to walk while Brent was away, engaged in volleyball and other critical defense tasks, but she did not run into any walls. Although she did fall a few times, just as all toddlers do while learning how to walk, there were not permanent injuries to her or the house. I find it interesting that Brent has conveniently erased from his memory the fact that my sister was living with us at that time and that our “snookems” had her to walk to.
Fifth, if he must stick with a temperature, why can’t he remember that I am cold more often than I am hot.
Sixth, my daughter is strong and hard-headed simply because she takes after her father. It has absolutely, positively, nothing to do with me.
Seventh, my mother spent at least three seconds coming up with my name, and it’s a great one.
Eighth, my life consisted of more than just reading books and talking with other military wives. I exercised, took care of “snookems,” kept his parents company, and ran up a huge phone bill.
Ninth, so when you say hot comma momma, you’re really saying I’m fat?
Tenth, I never under any circumstances, said, “in that case stay as long as you need to…” I may have on occasion said, “I understand that you can’t beam yourself home right this second, but it had better be within the next minute or two!”
As you can see Brent’s assessment of “reality” is, as usual, slightly off.
Signed,
Camille the Complicated
Follow this continuing saga in the next post.
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“But if I blogroll the Comma, what will my friend think? Wait a minute. I don’t have any friends. Problem solved. Yeah!!”
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once again it has been proved:
truth is stranger than fiction
John O.
Always nice to get a little glimpse of the Comma marriage dichotomy.
“hot comma momma” brings images of a woman who just gave birth and is now unresponsive in the hospital bed sweating profusely.
ooops that would be coma wouldn’t it? that’s right images of a punctuation mark sweating profusely
and all this time I thought you were the “omnibuscoma”.
I could complete one thought in one comment;however, you look more popular if you have multiple comments.
okay?
Dichotomy?
Isn’t that what Dr. Tobac does with the sharp hook inserted up the nose into the frontal lobe?
No, I’m sorry
That’s Lobotomy ….
John O.
rj’s in a silly mood.
I do agree with her
Let’s crank up the commentary people.
No complete thoughts…
Unitl you reach at least 5 comments or somenting like that…
More comments John O…keep it flowing…
Hey John O brought up an important point…Dr. T…where is he? Is it not Wednesday? What would the good Dr. say about Camille the Complicated…?
What does Camille think about Dr. T? (That would be worth reading!!!!!!!!)
I think camille is Dr. T in disguise…
or is Dr. T. Camille in disguise?
Hey, atleast he refers to you as “hot.” Some husband’s (not mine of course) are highly repulsed by their wives… I guess it’s how you look at it. Oh, and I have one of those husband’s with debateable wit too. :)
so is it ‘hot comma momma’ or is it ‘hot , momma” ?
Debbie,
rj,
I am not Dr. T, I am not related to Dr. T, nor have I ever pretended to be friends with Dr. T. He did come to the house for dinner once, but I asked him to leave. He was scaring the kids.
Chris C,
My name is NOT ‘hot comma momma’ or ‘hot, momma.’ My name is Camille. Yes, like the hurricane. Just ask Brent. He knows all about that. Or at least he thinks he knows all about that.
John O. (the first),
Just like a groundhog, the truth always comes out, but if you’re lucky you can chase it back in for six more weeks.
Debbie,
My extra personalities make the Comma marriage a trichotomy at least, if not a quad-chotomy. Fortunately for her, Camille has more than enough spunk, moxie, and mace to maintain relational stability among us all.
R.J.
We robe the omnibus to the hospital, just in time to birth our litter of little commas. We sold most of them outside of supermarkets but we still have two or three left.
R.J. and Debbie,
Never would I
stoop to anything
as blatantly manipulative
as comment inflation
it is both
shocking and appalling.
Debbie, John and R.J.
The Doctor is taking a little time off this week. Most likely in order to come up with something extra mean to say.
Beenzzz,
Don’t tell I said this, but my wife is smoking hot. I mean, she even has to wear asbestos underwear, which really runs up our dry cleaning bill, but it’s all worth it just have someone of her amazitude and beauty nearby just in case I need some laundry done.
(I probably should have left that last part out.)
Brent,
If you are going
to up the comment count
by making one sentence
into several comments, then the
least you could do would be to write complete
sentences.
“Don’t tell I said this…” is not complete.
“…but it’s all worth it just have someone…”
Please write in better English. This is the Comma, and we should use correct punctuation, spelling, and grammar.
Thank you.
Camille,
“Hot Comma Momma” is a compliment. You shouldn’t be too hard on Brent. He is just a man.
All this comment inflation has sickened me.
Sickened, you hear?
I have now been sick into my own lap.
SICK.
Brent - -Your wife is smoking pot?
Now I think you’ve gone overboard she is going to be upset or the Mr. T. pretending to be Camille.
Asbestos
Underwear
?
I’m laughing so hard my co-workers are staring…
I will have to visit Lord Likely simply because I really like the name.
next stop: madness. please prepare for docking.
i can verify that camille is smoking hot. and daring, too. she once made me dye my hair blue with her, and recently had violet highlights done (which looked so lovely, by the way - you need to do it again!)
and if there ever was a super mom, her name was camille - raising three highly intelligent, witty, smarty-pants, creative, sensitive children (four if you count brent), balancing a full-time job and school, and still maintaining a social life - we should all bow or courtsey in her presence.
and brent deserves his kudos, too, for sharing and creating a life with this wonderful woman, after whom, i’m positive, the hurricane was named. love you guys
and this raging comment-a-thon is just ridiculous. i won’t participate.
oops.
i guess, “if you can’t…”
you know
well, maybe you don’t
so i’ll say it anyway
if you can’t join ‘em, beat ‘em
or something like that
Wow, Jenn
I appreciate all of your wonderful comments, but in all of my memory (which is not as great as it used to be) I can’t ever remember smoking pot. I do admit to the purple highlights. I think I would like to do peach highlights this next time. You see the colors at our wedding were lilac and peach. I really like those colors, or maybe I’ll just go all out and do them both.
Now, I believe that there have been times when drugs might have helped my outlook, but in my lifetime I have never been drunk or high. Life is far too wacko to encourage any additional weirdoness.
Thank you for all of the nice things said. I courtsey right back at you!
Camille
Jenn,
You really think that I am smokin hot?
I feel like a pistol.
I guess that’s ok, a pistol could be a picture of strength.
I like this comment inflation idea. If we go over 100, I will give Brent a prize!
The Bold and Beautiful Smokin Hot Comma Momma Camille says Brent gets a prize if we continue this preposterous comment inflation to the tune of 100!!!!!!!
Now is the time for all good men (and women) of the OC community to come to the aid of their Humor Daddy Brent A. Manly Man Diggs…
Support
Your
Humor
Daddy
…Even if the prize is a sexy little pistol whippin dance in Victoria Secret’s latest asbestos lingerie line…
I like dances.
Lynn,
Late night grammar has long been a weakness of mine.
I need for someones to develop a Late Night Commentin’ Gramma’ Checka’ for me.
I am still sickened.
Pardon?
Oh, I thought someone said something. My mistake!
Your Lordship,
I trust you were not wearing your best trousers at the time of your sudden illness. But then again, if you weren’t wearing trousers I wouldn’t want to know.
Give your manservant Botter a firm backhand for me.
If that does not serve to brighten your mood, then by all means strike him about the head and neck with weighty volumes of Swedish poetry until you feel relieved.
R.J.
Although a lesser woman would require controlled substances at great quantity to deal with the likes of me, my Hot House Flower is fully up to the challenge unaided by modern chemistry. Except of course, the natural chemistry that links us in a chemical web of…mutual defense against the children.
Debbie,
Please strike your coworkers for me. Or, if company policy prohibits that, you might as well send them a link so they can get in on the joke and not feel as much like losers as they deserve to.
I have just been sick on my man-servant, which has made me considerably more cheerful.
Jenn,
Thank you for your observation and your confirmation of Camille’s amazing Heat of Beauty and Charm.
She rocks. As do you.
As for “if you can’t join ‘em, beat ‘em,” it is good to see you getting on the bandwagon of senseless violence with us today.It’s a private parade of pugilism and pride and it’s fun too.
Camille,
If you should acquire a “picture of strength,” please call ahead so I can arrange other accommodations. Just until the authorities confiscate it.
Debbie,
Thank you for your continuing support. You make me proud to be your humor daddy.
It’s so much more affordable than being a sugar daddy.
Camille the smokin’ hot pistol could pistol whip Lord Likely’s manswervant, and Debbie’s coworkers for that matter
manswervant?
that would be like, a manservant who has been sipping off the top of every drink he serves the Lord Likely
bad manswervant!
although, your stumbling around does provide a modicum of humor for us
except when your swerving causes you to spill a drink on Lord Likely’s fresh pair of trousers which he has just changed after becoming sick on his other pair
poor Lord Likely
His dry cleaning alone could support the economy of a third world nation.
Wow, I feel completely left out of the loop. I guess I might want to start checking my email a little sooner in the day.
I feel like I have missed out on so much, and yet there is a part of me that is glad I missed Lord Likely’s trouser change.
I hope Brent wins a better prize than I did from Dr. T!
Hmmm…..I wonder what the prize might be?
Any speculations?
I got a prize once.
I’m a comma, you’re a comma, wouldn’t you like to be a comma too…!
Only one more comment to reach 100!
i won a cake at a cake walk once… probably the best prize i ever got
excellent! wow!
Jenn is the winner! Yeah!!! Sorry Jenn, but Brent gets the prize.
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