How to Win an Argument Meme - Part Two
By Brent Diggs on May 23, 2007 in Humor
Welcome to part two of my continuing response to ploop*, who by challenging my previously dormant memeing ability, has stirred up a beaver’s nest of ego, links, and spurious content.
In part one of this meandering rumination, we pushed through a densely tangled jungle of tangents, rabbit trails, and the occasional red herring before finally stumbling across a point. It may not have necessarily been the point, but since it was the only one to appear, everyone was greatly relieved just to find it.
In that sanctuary of relevance we explored several almost-plausible strategies for winning an argument before throwing open the gates to receive random debate-ending insight from readers of the Comma.
You can examine those pearls of wisdom here.
Now, in a desperate attempt at closure, I am including a hopefully ploop-worthy chart, in the hopes of further confusing the issue with unsupported opinions and other punditry.
It is said that a picture is worth a thousand words, but I am pro-rateing this one to 652 words, 4 slang idioms, and associated punctuation.
Enjoy.
* I fully realize that a typical response to anything called ploop would usually involve soft paper products and a lot of flushing, but the typical is not something that usually happens around here.
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I like this. The more dimwhitted the opponent, the more violent the means to win the argument is. I tend to use the brick with all opponents.
Definitely ploopworthy… what is ploop anyway?
This would work as long as the co-arguer does not fight back. Of course it would be tough to pull a Lenox Lewis (is he still around?) after eating a brick!
Would actual concrete be next after brick?
I think a squirrel comes after a brick.
I hardly dare to speak up here, in such illustrious company… but I am grateful for the clear illustration of argument tactics. I have printed it out to carry with me, for quick reference whenever and whereever disagreements may occur.
I have also decided to carry a brick.
Hi Debbie,
Ploop is me - nice to meet you.
Rgds,
ploop
[…] The Comma has approached the winning an argument meme in a pleasingly intellectual and graphical manner - he’s just launched part 2 and I feel ominous and his readers have got a book in them! […]
Beenzzz,
I have no doubt that on a relative scale, all your opponents are unintelligent,and therefore brick use is fully justified.
Debbie,
You should definitely work up to eating a brick. Start with charcoal briquettes to properly condition the jaw and digestive tract before moving up the density chain.
Chris and Lynn,
Actually, on the density scale, after brick come lead pipe, followed closely by frozen jello, and finally by the infamous depleted uranium baseball bat. (For use only in the direst of emergencies.)
MT,
Have you considered a tattoo of the chart? Maybe on your forearm or the palm of your hand for quick reference in the middle of a conflict. I’m sure one of Lynn’s jail house buddies could do the work for you if you are on a budget.
Now, another one related with meme. It’s truly a joy to read for sure. I got your point on your reply last time. Of course I would not become to be engaged into somewhat emotional fighting(or meme or meme of extreme degree, maybe when I interpreted you right. : ) ). By the way, I have something to ask you since I’m thinking that you - as a trained professional fictionator - might know of this. Is there any relationship with meh(as exclamation as I’ve been observed) and meme(as an argument as I’ve been observed)? I’m just being curious here so please don’t get me as the opponent. ; )
PS - I love the picture, sincerely. I’ve thought about the logical sequence preserved - I assume it is preserved - in the manner of the picture for a while and having a suggestion here. After the brick, how about sword,gun and missile to finish the picture with the part three? ; )
Hi Ploop! It is nice to meet you as well. Your site could become just as addictive as The Comma. Oh no wait a minute…MINDTWEAKS, Nothing To See Here, STEALTHYBEAN, Silver Bluewater…So much creativity, so little time…
Y’know Brent I’ve always wanted a tattoo. Qualifying as original artwork and (as MT pointed out) a quick argument reference guide, your illustration would make the perfect tattoo. Now where to put it? Maybe a mini version on my middle finger? I could flash it as a warning to potential squabblers! Ok, maybe not. (I’ll just use Lynn’s carnivorous squirrel that she “borrowed” from Ruckford MacMullit. He could definitely settle an argument with one flash of his squirrel fang!)
Why didn’t I think of the brick? Oh, that’s right…on my very own graph, I admitted that when arguing, I can easily be bested by stupidity, because it makes me not want to play. Unless I’m drunk. That pretty much changes the rules. ;)
Silver,
I like the idea of a missile. That would be good.
As for your questions, “Meh” is a noncommittal sound, as in “Maybe I will, maybe I won’t, but it doesn’t really matter.”
Meme is more complicated. The original definition was a cultural trait handed on from one person to another, much like a gene is transmitted from one generation to another. But in blogging it seems to mean a question and answer format that drifts from blog to blog in a vicious attempt to dominate the known universe. (Sorry about that last part, but after all that actual research, I had to wax nonsensical to cleanse my delicate fiction sensibilities.)
Debbie,
I…um…well, yeah, the squirrel would be good.
J,
Just so you know, friends don’t let friends drink and brick. If you are going to carouse, you will need a designated assaulter to handle any visitation of violence that might be required.
This announcement has been just another public service of the OC.