Hey Now, Hey Now - Let’s Scream It’s Over
By Brent Diggs on Jul 31, 2008 in Humor
TobboganSeach part 3
The story so far:
Led astray by the cute and convincing Comma Girl, I hauled my family cross country in a bold humanitarian effort to find Doctor Harold Toboggans.*
The Charming Culprit
After a long journey and a diligent search, I must have been ready to call off the whole thing off. To tell the truth I can’t really remember, which is why I’m quoting from my confidently discovered travel journal.
Moment of Truth - Reno
“After a careful week long search of most every place unlikely to be visited by the Doctor, it was time to admit failure and return home. I must have admitted it rather loudly because several bystanders repeatedly interrupted my dance of joy to ask if I required medical attention.”
Road trip - Reno to Las Vegas - 451 miles**
“Special effort was made to find and use restroom facilities overlooked on our previous journey in order not only to grace a larger area of Nevada with our waste products but also to commemorate Highway 95: The Peeingest Road in America.”
Interlude - Las Vegas Airport
“After a full twenty-four hours of bumped flights, I began to suspect the foul influence of Doctor Toboggans.
As I was stretching out in preparation of a long cross county hike, some seats opened up and we left just minutes ahead of the Doctor’s murderous and tackily attired agents of evil.
Return Flight - Las Vegas to Memphis - 1407 miles
(For British readers, that’s 2264.347008 km, or over 4 times the width of the entre Kingdom.)
“I kept a sharp lookout but even though I thought I spotted the doctor briefly over Phoenix, the only real evidence I encountered was the massive accumulation of hot air we passed in flight.”
Arrival - Memphis
“Never was I as pleased to scent the foul miasma of Memphis, as when we finally arrived home after our many suffering and were able once again to take in the panoramic view of our fair city.”
Thus concludes the tragic tale of TobogganSearch - The Quest for Suffering. Even though it has ended, it is not too late to subscribe to the Comma in a reader or by email .
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*Although the humanity of Doctor Toboggans is an unresolved question, an unfortunate malfunction in my CoinOMatic TM literary fabricator leaves me stuck with this less than accurate term.
**It was uphill.
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Is Comma Girl gazing off towards a big mound of dirt in that photo?
I think she is still secretly hoping to find Dr. T.
Interesting point of view. I really liked your photo.
Oh how the people in the middle apartments must hate the guy who lives on the end! Such an obvious case of conspicuous consumption.
So he has a disease?
[*sniff*]
No Doc?
Nothing but hot air. Somehow that is appropriate.
Thus the quest comes to an End this time.
But friends I think we found we See
The Doctor he is neither here nor thre,
But inside you and me.
I keep asking him to pay some rent
But we never quite agree.
If only I could collect this rent
I would but end this schism
For I would apply most every cent
Towards an exorcism
chuckle…
Girl you know it’s true…
“Raw Ego Vapors”
That was actually from me. Sorry.
I knew I felt a disturbance as we flew over the county but as I was seated next to my teenage son, I assumed it was him.
I like the real homey feel you get from that memphis picture… you can really feel the serenity.
There is nothing more relaxing than and the soft buzzing of flies feeding off of urban decay.
Hey Mr. Diggs, I’ve been frozen in carbonite for several weeks. So I’ve been out of touch.
There is not much communication to or from Hohenwald.
I see you have misplaced Dr. T.
I’m almost sure I’ve seen him at the cabin. He has stopped by several times wanting to “grind the stumps” on my property.
I’m not sure if this is a euphemism, but I recognized the machine as the one he kept in his office/lair.
John O.
John, great to hear from you, not so great to hear about Toboggans being sighted.
Maybe it was a hallucination.
I’m missing Dr. T, I think I’m missing Dr.T, I really think so…
I have excellent sleuthing skills Brent, you should have invited me along. Raw Ego Vapor sleuthing is my specialty! (I’ll leave the flatulence investigation up to you though…BTW you were lucky the oxygen masks did not drop during the Dr. T flatulence disturbance….or was that Keenan? Did he smile often during the flight?) OMG, I’m actually doing flatulence detective work…STINK!
Thank you, I can’t say I was disappointed not to find him.
And when it comes to my son, let’s just say it was long trip.
Nice Vapors reference by the way.
“hey now, hey now”
Did you know that song played a big part in Stephen King’s “The Stand” miniseries? Fun facts.
No I didn’t know that. I’ve seen pieces of it but don’t remember that part.
I also hate it when my CoinOMatic TM literary fabricator doesn’t work. But that’s when I thesaurize words.
By the way, Memphis really went downhill after Elvis left, didn’t it? I, for one, am shocked.
Oh, and I’m returning your hat, I think you left it over at my blog.
The CoinOMatic, like most things produced my Toboggans Industries has a severely limited lifespan.
And a manual writing in Flemish.
What hat?
Great photo of Comma Girl.
Right out of a Jane Austen novel.
clap clap
My oldest took that one. Too bad Comma Girl can’t take after her resistance to Doctor T.
I cannot stop looking at that last picture. Mesmerizing… Wow.
And Creechman… I never would have remembered the Stand miniseries reference. Great memory.
http://death-sentences.blogspot.com/
“Have you ever really looked at Memphis? Gazed at it’s beauty?”
Me neither.
Don’t you have an evil scientist at your disposal who can build a self-aggrandizement magnet to pull the doctor from his hidey hole?
P.S. - Regarding that photo of Memphis, is that Sally Struthers? You know, in the lower left-hand corner? With a gaggle of starving kids around her?
Hi Brent! I looked at Memphis before and it is really beautiful.
Memphis? What is that? never heard and see that before.
I don’t know Memphis either.
Memphis is beautiful… you have to search for it so, you will know.
I am not that interested in Memphis but I will check it out.
Never heard a Memphis before. I am confused about it.
I love Memphis. It is really gorgeous.
That’s terrible… isn’t it?
I don’t think it is terrible. It is beautiful.
Thank you for sharing. Cheers!
Great blog… Hope you will be back for more funny tales and ideas soon… Happy blogging…
I like what you shared. Very funny.
Thank you so much for the great share. Keep it up.
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Nice series.
Of the set, I like this one because of all the shit you so subtly talk about Memphis Tennessee. Nice work with the down low talking.
Josh
My Aunt Is Hot