Retinue Repository
By Brent Diggs on May 15, 2008 in Humor
I have decided that I want to be a part time celebrity.
I want the fame, recognition, and generous paychecks that come with worldwide acclaim, without the paparazzi and crowds of well-wishers besieging my yard, steaming up my windows with their poorly-held breath.
You see, I’ve come to realize that the real problem with having a massive world-wide fan base is how often they get underfoot.
I mean, it’s great for people to come out in droves to try to get an autographed high school portrait and generally validate me as a living internet resource, but what do I do with my public once they’ve served their purpose?
Fortunately, Comma Girl pointed out the solution to me.
I know it’s going to be crowded, but no pushing in there.
Happy Friday
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As long as its boy-girl boy-girl. And no moth balls.
LOBO specifically asked for a spot next to you.
Besides, my newly installed formaldehyde immersion system leaves mothballs running home to their maternal insect unit.
Hahahahaa, moth balls, yes I’m that immature. Hmmm seems I missed some democracy while my computer has been sick.
Anyway, will you pay the air freight for me to be shipped over to your storage space.
Actually, I have great discount package with Trebuchet Express.
Damaged freight claims can be tricky with TrebEx, but they usually release the body within a couple a weeks.
We’re back logged from the president’s day mailing rush, so the wait is extended to about a month for damaged shipments.
V/R C.non-C. Pres. and CEO TrebEx
Just make sure that there is a latte machine, a fully stocked refrigerator, and plenty of sweet music.
I just got a hold of it and haven’t had much time to remodel. Fortunately for you, Doctor Toboggans had fully furnished it before he disappeared.
I think he must have been doing some therapy sessions there, because not only is there a lat machine among the stocks and manacles but there is also thigh-master, a butt-master, and a chin-master.
As for music, the last time I visited the predominate tune was Flatulence in A Minor.
LOL!
I suddenly had a flashback of the last train in Tokyo…not cute…stinky booze…eeewwww.
Seriously, a while back there was news that people were actually living in these until they were caught and kicked out!
So what your saying is, hypothetically, that if someone were say, running an Ominous Empire from inside the climate controlled splendor of a suburban storage unit and the authorities some how got wind of it, that would be bad?
That’s really good to know Mikiye, if I ever
ammeet someone in that situation, I’ll be sure to let them know right away.Does it have a coffee can that I can pee in? Because I’m so there if it does.
I was thinking more of a backdoor so that the great outdoors could be the coffee can.
Actually it comes with a little funnel and rubber tubing arrangement that I like to call indoor plumbing.
So far it has failed to answer to that name, but I still like to call it that anyway just because it just sounds so classy.
I’m game…I’m tired of paying my mortgage anyway.
Brent would have to make an appearance every now and then though to remind us why the heck we are stuffed in here like idiots…
(Oh and be sure to bring the HCM please…she is just as famous…)
Deb! Get off my foot!
That was me, sorry.
Oh I’m sure the Hot Mommaness will want to visit everyday with wet towelettes and horderves.
She can even bring little notes from me thanking everyone for playing nicely and not mobbing myself at the Hummie Awards, which as everyone knows is the quadral-annual humor blogging award and podiatry festival.
Just remind her not to knock over any coffee can left lying around. Famous people can be so clumsy.
I don’t mind being lumped in with the little people.
Seriously, I only want little people in my unit.
How are you with diapers?
Some kind of elf fetish?
As manager of your help desk I feel forced to contact you in this Public way.
You have a double http in the link that goes to your picture and I have received 347,228 calls asking why the link does not work. Removing the first http set will then allow all of these young men who have been calling to see your photo.
Cheers,
Tech Support From Hell,
Thank you Richard for your technical expertise.
After last month’s two-million hit digg-flurry on the Yodeling Yeti Groomer post you should be able to handle this in your sleep.
These are quite economical but I try to give my public a little more. I order the PODS which are portable storage. That way they get to see different empty lots around town as a change of scenery.
really? that is a nice idea.