A general rule that has served me well over the years is that anything capable of smiling probably doesn’t belong on the menu.
It is precisely this principle that has led me to remove from my diet former staples such as laughing pork, grinning corn, and all manner of slyly smirking desserts.
Now I will be the first to admit that I don’t know what the Recommended Daily Allowance of human child is, but I am guessing that it is quite low. In fact, I’m fairly sure there is no room in any of the USDA established food groups for a young person of such disturbing facial capacity.
Say no to FM.
Facially Modified foods have no place on the American dinner table.
This message brought to you by the Federation of Concerned and Constipated Bakery Theorists, now meeting at humor-blogs.com
{ 47 comments… read them below or add one }
I always eat angry fish… is that the same thing
Not sure, but I have eaten a lot of fish that appear to be smiling, and after this little revelation, I am a little disturbed by it,
Jonathan Swift liked them, didn’t he? Or was that only if they were little smiles? It’s hard to remember things now…
What about the giggling Pillsbury doughboy and the Jolly Green Giant?
Remember the commercials where the doughboy gets poked in the stomach and he lightly pats his tummy and giggles? I think he giggles because he is letting out a poot.
(I’m sorry I have a five year old and that is how he would explain it)
Cupcake..mmmmmmmmmm
Oh For Crying Out Loud! Will somebody stop taunting the kid and give him the cupcake!!! His little squeals of delight are driving me crazy!
Sorry, I still haven’t had enough coffee this morning.
Ah, but see… I think they leave the major portion of the child out, and simply rip off the smile and bake that into the tasty confections.
I’m not sure which of those images is more disturbing, now that you mention it (you did mention it, didn’t you?)
I think I would rather eat something that seemed happy and amiable, rather than something that looks like it might violently disagree with me.
The Jolly Green Giant is laughing because of the looks on everyone’s face after they accidentally looked up his leafy kilt……. all together now…..eeewwwww.
What about black eyed peas? I don’t want my food to alter my face either.
Good one Debbie!
I agree with Camille, you should really watch out for the black eyed peas.
I think angry fish are little higher on the food chain, although not a high as angry seafood.
Considering your survivalist dieting plan, I think expressive fish are the least of your concerns.
Thank you MadMad, after bashing my head for hours searching for the right title, you have provided it for me: “An Immodest Proposal.”
Of course, it’s useless to me now.
We are definitely going to have to work on our timing.
Yes, I’m sure the smell would be quite memorable, especially after a couple boxcars of Green Giant broccoli.
Some mysteries should not be explored.
If this illustration does not work as a dieting inspiration, I don’t know what would.
Except maybe Adhesi-Core DT.
I’m not sure it’s delight. It looks more like cupcake dependence.
The details of the smile infusion process are a closely guarded secret.
Trust me, it’s better that way.
The Unsmiling-Child is a rare delicacy that everyone ought to try at least once in their life.
That sounds like a violent disagreement to me.
I’ll save it until the end, if you don’t mind.
I’m very concerned about the kids’s arm and shoulders. This hand seems to come from nowhere–obviously others have been taking a bite out of him.And isn’t the hand to big for his head? See what happens to you when you eat all of that junk food?
You haven’t lived until your exoskeletal eantre
gives you a great big smile.
I had cupcake dependence once. I just substituted it with cheesecakes.
The candy dots on that cupcake remind me of the star pattern continually seen by the young Jodi Foster in “Contact.”
It’s a message, a sign. Let’s all rush to Wyoming.
I question what’s under that red mop of hair. Is it the oven?
My guess is that it contains a feverishly swirling mass of snack food addiction.
Either that or a mutant cannibal-cupcake eating parasite, it can be hard to tell sometimes.
“Hand-Gout” is one of the more unpleasant effects of a diet high in cholesterol and saturated human flesh.
It is the real reason for the taboo against cannibalism.
So um, where does cow tongue and eyeballs fall here, because you kinda sorta use both to smile and I’d hate to give them up, they are so very delicious!!
I’m kidding, I only eat cow balls and pig’s feet. So I’m good. :)
No more potatoes, eh? Drat!
Why thank you Lynn! My favorite little comma she is!
Now, why don’t they every announce that in the schools?
Yes Creechman, I do believe it is a sign. It looks to me like the Intergalactic Sprekel Topping Code for “Do Not Ingest.”
You should come to Memphis, there are dozens of fine dinning establishments here that cater to discriminating pallets like yours.
Actually, potatoes are okay. I would have some myself, but I forgot my tie.
Hey! What happened to the Monday post? Its how I retrieve my sanity* after a long Monday.
* This is assuming that I had any to begin with.
And you have a myspace friend request to approve on the OC page…chop! chop!
Tuesday is the new Monday. I guess you didn’t get the memo.
Does that mean I have to wait longer for Friday?
Be very afraid.
I’m thinking it had something to do with the Hot Comma Momma’s recent birthday…
(Happy Birthday, HCM!!)
Thank you. My birthday was very nice. I like the D.A.B. too. That is the Day After Birthday festivities. My darling bought me flowers. He is a highly intellectual man.
I need to say, Your sens of humor is horrible. In the positive meaning;) Go posting!
You’ve convinced me to give up Laughing Cow Cheese.
How do you feel about people who describe themselves as being “Baby Hungry” and they consume this abominable smiling baby confection?
You wrote interesting thing. I didnt know that it looks like that. Regards.