What The Promised Recession Means To You As An American
By Brent Diggs on Mar 1, 2008 in Humor, Weekend stuff, current affairs
You have been bad.
Selfishly saving your money right when your economy needs it the most.
As a consumer you have been a huge disappointment to us all.
If you care anything about this country, get up right now, go to your nearest retail outlet, and buy until your cards will swipe no more.
After all, it is not your assets propping up the GNP.
Only ours.
,
Sincerely,
the Corporate Interests of America
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Bet that big flag has a “Made in Asia” tag on it somewhere.
Sadly, you are probably correct.
Hey! Gimme a break, I bought one of those stupid fans. Wasn’t that supposed to help?
C.I.A. you really need to get off my back.
You were suppose to donate the fan. It does us no good in the wilderness with you.
I don’t see how it’s doing you a lot of good either.
Does this mean that if I’ve been unselfishly spending my dough and swiped my cards until they’ve withered and cracked that I’ve been a good citizen? I always try to do my part.
You are the patron saint of swiping. Or at least you could be, we have an opening. Especially for a person of your consumering might.
Hahaha, the Australain dollars is almost even with yours, soon our tourists will be flooding your retail outlets buying… STUFF… wait thats what you want isnt it.
We would have gotten away with it too, if it hadn’t been for you Aussies. You’re lucky we don’t haul you all off to a penal colony somewhere.
Dispite what people say penal is not a dirty word… penal, hehehe
Recent expenditures on a Mac Pro, 30″ cinematic widescreen, ipod, accompanying software to the iTunes of 40 movies… did my part to stimulate China’s economy.
You are truly a man of great patriotism and foresight. Never has consumerism had a more vigilant champion than yourself. Clearly, you deserve an award for your financial valor.
How about this one:
Hey, no fair holding a contest without announcing it! I know for sure that I would have been in the running. For years we have been singlehandedly holding off a recession by supporting two teenage daughters, a very expensive private school, not to mention the gas that it takes to get them there and back…and don’t get me started on the price of milk! Four dollars a gallon! Are they feeding those cows gold dust now?
I’m not complaining or anything. I’m as patriotic a consumer as the next guy. I just wish I could have gotten a cute little award to go with our Mastercard bill.
There is no need for animosity, this award is available for all.
Assuming you have the dedication and discrimination to claim it.
I will gladly toss my American brethren a shiny penny if that will help.
No, there’s no need to thank me.
Your Lordship’s generosity is legendary. Siting it is as rare a treat as spotting bigfoot or Elvis.
“If you care anything about this country, get up right now, go to your nearest retail outlet, and buy until your cards will swipe no more.”
Wow. You hit it right on. Do you think the majority of Americans really understand this?
Here’s a great short video that explains it better:
http://thestoryofstuff.com
I think they have an instinctive understanding of spending. Having assets to back that spending, not so much.
Ahh. It is so refreshing to hear how bad you have it compared to us Brits. You don’t see our banks having problems because of the US Sub-Prime issues over there. Nor are our petrol prices rising at a stupid rate.
Now. Read that again, and replace the first 40 words with “Ah Crap. We are as screwed as you are”.
I’m afraid that we’re all in this together. Which is a shame, because I usually have better taste in picking my crises than this.
Rickey has also ruminated on the current market woes in the U.S. Rickeys thoughts can be found hither:
http://ridingwithricky.blogspot.com/2008/03/rickeys-stock-market-tips.html
America’s debt-laden foreign backed economy reminds me of a Rubik’s cube, with each colored tile face representing an economic force. Y’know that guy that solved the Rubik’s cube with his feet in like 10.88 seconds, let’s get him to fix our economy.
It reminds me of those people in California or wherever that keep building houses on eroding hillsides.
Except ours is built on debt.
“What? We’ve fallen into the ocean? Who could have seen that coming?”
Exactly. “Who could have seen that coming?” is the government’s favorite mantra.
You mean, like, with the New Orleans levees and the war in Iraq?
And, oh yeah, the environment…
“What? we’re running out of oil? Didn’t see that coming….”
“What? Carbon emissions are creating the greenhouse effect? Since when? How could that happen?”
I suppose we get the government that we elected…
That’s exactly right Roann. A+ for you my friend.
I can just imagine pre-historic governments: “Hey! Where did all that ice come from?!”
Haaaaaaaaaaaa! Brent always takes it to a level never imagined!
I took your advice and I’ve been swiping all over town. Nobody’s caught me yet though. I swiped a really nice car from this dealer yesterday. You’re right, I feel so much better swiping all this stuff.
See, you’re stimulating the economy already.
i agree. wrote about the same thing a few months ago….http://rawdawgb.blogspot.com/2008/01/poor-mr-or-mrs-next-president.html
Haha I bet that flag says made in China too. Irony.
I wonder if we could outsource the stockbrokers as well.
Hey, I have been swiping! And I plan to keep doing it until I get my $300! Then I will swipe some more. Must do my part for the economy. :)
Farnsworth, is that you?
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So go out guys! And swipe away!
We need your money here in Asia!
Kenneth
[…] Diggs presents What The Promised Recession Means To You As An American posted at The Ominous Comma, saying, “Urgent Economic Humor, read at […]
Its a great shame, but you are correct.
Nice post. Sad but true. Some of the comments are great too. First time here. I’ll certainly return.
Great to have here, Bill. Join in any time.
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