I know it’s been a long time since I have posted here, but I did promise to take a break after all, and what kind of role model would I be to the next generation of impressionable young bloggers if I lied to my entire readership in such an egregious fashion?

You see I take my responsibilities very seriously.

And if those responsibilities just happen to include lazing about the house nonproductively, that’s a sacrifice I am willing to make for you, the reading public.

Now that we have established that, back to the post.

First off, I want to thank everyone for their kind comments and well wishes. It has meant a lot to me that so many people have come by to check in on me, some over and over again.¹

I also want to thank all my real-world friends and family members, which I have regularly ignored during the course of my writing over the years. Thank you for your patience and understanding. Here’s to a saner, more balanced, more present relationship from here on out.

Now, as I do my best to whip myself into shape and try to remember how to type, I want to welcome you all to the new and improved Ominous Comma. As you might have noticed, things look a little different now. That is of course, because they are.

This new Comma features a clean, uncluttered look, streamlined site navigation, and a brand spanking new domain: brentdiggs.com. (Feel free to update you bookmarks and blogrolls²)

Now when it comes to posting on this sleek new portal of Ominousness, I have decided to take up Greeneyezz on her sage advice and not return to the same burnout situation that I left behind. From this point on I will be writing when and what I want to. No schedules. No formats.

And it won’t always be funny.

There will be some humor to be sure, it just won’t be my primary focus. If there is one thing that I have discovered so far, it is that when it comes to arranging your creative priorities:

1. Be Funny
2. Write Something Worth Writing

…is an order that just doesn’t work so well. Unless of course you want to stick to the role of class clown.

As for me, having been there and done that, I am ready to move on.

Anyway, I’m not going to promise or limit myself too much here at the outset. I am basically here to respond to those who have called for me to return. My response is: “I’m on my way.”

I’ve tried to address a lot of the inevitable questions this transition has created, as well as the usual “I’m new to this site, what kind of hallucinogenic trip are you all on?” type questions in the FAQ. One thing I haven’t covered however is comments.

The comments on a lot of the older posts have been left in a seemingly random order due to my removal of the threaded comments plugin I was using at the time of their writing. My new theme doesn’t support threading just yet, but WordPress itself is supposedly including that feature in the next major upgrade. Until then, just think of those comments like random word refrigerator magnets, yours to order and arrange and create your own masterpieces with.

Thank you for your patience; I will do my best to reward it.

-Brent

I miss not blogging.

What I mean by that is that I miss the sense of possibility and expectancy and wonder that I felt when I was first studying up on blogging, back before I launched the Ominous Comma.

In those days I was reading lots of books on writing, and lots of blogs trying to figure things out.

I read Steve Pavlina because he was talking about making a living following your passion, and I read The Sneeze and Defective Yeti because they were the only funny blogs I could find at the time.

But once I launched, I discovered is that blogging is a lot of work. Consistently writing your best humor is even harder.

Over the last year and a half, discipline has replaced excitement and my sense of wonder his given way to a constant, annoying awareness of traffic and ranks and stats.

So I’m taking a break.

Looking back, I see that my whole life has been a constant process of self reinvention, with the last two stages being DangerCouch and The Ominous Comma.

But I’m not quitting, not by a long shot.

I’m plotting, I’m hoping.

I’m dreaming.

Be back soon

-Brent

P.S. Here are a few pieces that I am especially proud of, check them out if you like.

A Short Conversations with God

The Importance of Avoiding Hubris

Writing Prompts for the Not So Prompt

Hormone Poisoning

Fashion Week

Hidden Dangers Of Spam

(If you would like to be informed when I return, I would only too happy to do that either by email or in a feedreader.)

The story so far:

Led astray by the cute and convincing Comma Girl, I hauled my family cross country in a bold humanitarian effort to find Doctor Harold Toboggans.¹

The Charming Culprit

After a long journey and a diligent search, I must have been ready to call off the whole thing off. To tell the truth I can’t really remember, which is why I’m quoting from my conveniently discovered travel journal.

Moment of Truth - Reno

“After a careful week long search of most every place unlikely to be visited by the Doctor, it was time to admit failure and return home. I must have admitted it rather loudly because several bystanders repeatedly interrupted my dance of joy to ask if I required medical attention.”

Thus concludes the tragic tale of TobogganSearch - The Quest for Suffering. Even though it has ended, it is not too late to subscribe to the Comma in a reader or by email .

Despite serious misgivings, I was persuaded by my youngest child to travel to Nevada in search of Doctor Harold Toboggans. It was a long and painful ordeal, far in excess of anything Dr. T could reasonably expect from anyone who had ever met him.

After an unpleasant beginning, delightfully documented in part 1, the suffering began in earnest. Follow along as we explore more sensational excepts from my poorly remembered, yet fully Pulitzer-worthy vacation journal.

Will the Doctor be found? Will the family survive? Will there be more rhetorical questions?

Find out as the story continues Friday.

Don’t miss any of the excitement - subscribe to the Comma in a reader or by email - today.

The Ominous Comma’s Memphis Headquarters

The trauma of our ordeal has left me with large gaps in my memory, no doubt for my own protection, which has also left me at a loss to properly recount our adventures.

Fortunately, I seem to have kept a journal of our many travels and travails and using it, I will attempt to share with you in some small measure, the many joys and heartaches of the TobogganSearch experience:

With this much fun on the first day, just imagine the thrills in store for us all as the saga continues on Wednesday.¹

Don’t miss the action - subscribe to the Comma in a reader or by email - today.

Although the structure itself looks as if it escaped from a science fiction adventure, the experience so far seems to have been narrated by William Gibson rather than Isaac Asimov.

In fact, it is quite possible that cybernetically enhanced Yakuza enforcers are moving in on us at this very moment.

Either that or some badly dressed tourists.

I sense the hand of Doctor Harold Toboggans at work here.

Does anyone have a private jet I could borrow? A pilot would be good too.

——-

Humor-Blogs.com Alltop.com

The road to Toboggans¹ has been a twisted and tangled one, fraught with peril and roadside urination. Danger has been my constant companion, often taking up the entire back seat of my rental vehicle.

The thrilling details of this epic journey will make someone a great post someday, but for now let me leave you with a few snapshot from the road.

-,-

The most ingenious video game ever invented. No buttons, no joystick, no coordination. Just jumping, jumping, more jumping and then your child’s blissful collapse into exhaustion.

-,-

Travel Tip Number One - Never, ever forget the tranquilizers.

-,-

Customer: “Excuse me, I’m looking for some useless ornamental metal.”

Employee: “Sorry pal, you’re in the wrong place.”

-,-

Comma Girl discovers her place in the world

-,-

I was a little confused about what to do here. After all, I’ve never gone number five before.

-,-

The Comma Clan and I will soon be back to full blogging strength in our secret lair deep in the rancid heart of Memphis. Until then, you relax where you are and hopefully I’ll continue not discovering Doctor Harold Tob-

—Transmission ends—–

Big thanks again to Chris Cameron of Angry Seafood for his masterful guest blogging efforts while I’m away.

…Rickroll.

Hey at least I used the death metal version. Much less lame. Somehow Slayer doing Rick Astley seems unholy though, especially when set to the same video.

He also called for people to explain their thought process on writing humor. Since I couldn’t come up with anything else to write about I figured whatever, kill two birds with one stone. I love doing that because it saves time and makes the hippies and enviro-nuts mad at the same time. A win-win situation in my book.

Writing a humor blog is challenging. Every time I start my computer up I have to deal with my anti-virus and firewall software updates. That’s like twenty minutes right there, especially with having to restart the PC because some company told me their software isn’t really ready unless I reboot. Then Firefox decides to update as well. Then a Mythbusters I haven’t seen is showing on Discovery.

Still I preserver.

There were many times I wanted to talk about how an idea becomes a rough draft then develops into a final post. I would go on and on about all the twists and turns the idea took, sometimes even changing completely. I would explain how long they take to create from start to finish.

You can wake up now.

This would be like when you go to Open Mike night and there’s some moonbat explaining why every note is there, and the meaning behind each chord for like an hour. Usually it is a boring story of how their crappy song brings back memories of their dead uncle when in reality their relative was more like Uncle Ned on Family Ties.

Play the song already and pass the vanilla extract.

One thing you have to be careful using are obscure references like that one I just made. In the Uncle Ned (‘Say Uncle’) episode he downs a bottle of vanilla extract to Elyse’s horror and states: “What, did you want some?” Unless you have seen it you will have no clue what I mean and it wouldn’t be funny.

Explaining the joke is killing the joke by the way.

By now you might have figured out I must not have a thought process on writing a humor blog. I do. My creativity is like Neo in The Matrix. The rest of my brain is like Councilor Hamann who wonders how I come up with what I write about.

The only difference is that my humor isn’t going to save the world any time soon. But it does have a purpose: to entertain.

Isn’t that the most important thing in a humor blog post anyways? Well, midgets and monkeys are a big help too but they have to be entertaining or dressed up in scenes from famous movies.

—–

Great, but somewhat belated thanks to Chris Cameron of Angry Seafood for this rousing yet low sodium guest post.

Show this man some Comma love: vote this on Humor-Blogs.com

alltop.com

It doesn’t matter if you’ve lost weight, quit smoking, or ejected a pompous windbag from your website, there is a certain euphoria that comes from living a better life.

Over the last couple months I haven’t simply been enjoying my new Toboggans-free lifestyle, I’ve been basking in it.

I’ve soaked it up in my pores, inhaled it deeply into my lungs, and placed generous pinches of it between my cheek and gums.

To say that is has been a clean break is to drastically undervalue the meaning of the word clean. Really and truly, I just don’t care if I ever smell the Doctor’s noxious scent again.

However, the same cannot be said for my family.

…Whereas her worries for Dr. T center around clean clothes and a balanced diet…

I am referring specifically to Comma Girl, the only one of my offspring still in the cute larval phase of development, who has beleaguered me with her fears for the Doctor’s health and wellbeing.

I have had my misgivings as well, but whereas her worries for Dr. T center around clean clothes and a balanced diet, my concerns are more along the lines of whether or not he’s had his shots and the possibility of having him spayed.

…My concerns are more along the lines of whether or not he’s had his shots and the possibility of having him spayed

Anyway, somehow my daughter has heard rumors that he’s been spotted in northern Nevada, so as a devoted father I am packing up the entire Comma clan to investigate these allegations and hopefully drive a steak… shine a light into the cavernous mystery of the Doctor’s disappearance.

Filling my shoes while I’m away will be some talented guest blogggers, the first of which will be Chris Cameron of Angry Seafood.

Although my shoes may still be warm and somewhat moist, I assure everyone involved that all issues of odor and fungal infection have been properly addressed.

Wish me luck, if we find Doctor Toboggans, we’ll definitely need it.

Keep your fingers crossed. The last time we took a family excursion, I ended up with another child which as you might imagine caused all kinds of complications. We will try to keep our family a lot more planned out this time around.

Feel free to support ‘the fam’ at Humor-Blogs.com. See also alltop.com

Not this blog mind you, or even the various characters and personas I have populated it with, but me, my very own personal self.

Droll.

If there is anything that gets my dander up and marching around,¹ it’s being labeled with terms so offensive, so clearly and blatantly derogatory that even I don’t know what they mean.

So in spite of strict vows intellectual pacifism, I undertook the most strenuous research methods at my disposal to fathom the enigmatic mystery known as droll.

After several second of diligent mousework I wiped the sweat from my wrist and basked in the glow of discovery.² After a brief post-investigative nap, I read through the symptoms as presented by the vocabulary professionals of Dictionary.com:

Droll -adjective. amusing in an odd way; whimsical; waggish.

Could it be? Was it possible that The Ominous Comma and myself its erstwhile creator were in fact suffering from the insidious effects of droll humor?

So severe were the consequences of this implication that I sought out a second opinion, and after a couple more clicks of grueling research the lexiconary specialists at Wikipedia confirmed the diagnosis:

Droll Humor -an often dry, witty form of humor that elicits laughs through amusingly odd, sometimes zany behavior or speech.

They those same experts went to on to illustrate the sufferings of well known victims like Steven Wright and John Cleese, never once hinting at a cure.

I was stunned. I didn’t know how to live with such self-knowledge, or myself after having discovered it. My only hope lay with the experimental psychological research of the late Doctor Harold Toboggans³whose cutting-edge Third Person Repressionary Hypnosis therapy I hoped would give me my one shot at pulling through this crisis without permanent damage.

Snatching at the fragments of memory, I hastily assembled my best approximation of the Doctor’s radical self-programming technique.

I helped myself to several cleansing breaths and a shot of scrubbing bubbles. Then as I gazed convincingly into the mirror, I began the chant:

“Brent Diggs has droll humor - Brent Diggs is droll.”

The moral of the story I began to realize–

“Brent Diggs has droll humor - Brent Diggs is droll.”

Is that any time you set out upon a voyage of self discovery-

“Brent Diggs has droll humor - Brent Diggs is droll.”

Be sure to thoroughly check your itinerary.

“Brent Diggs is…”

—–

Rate this post at Humor-Blogs.com. Tickle it behind the ears at alltop.com