Hello Comma readers, this is Camille. My husband Brent usually does the writing around here but he’s “busy” right now.
In fact, he’s been busy a lot lately, especially for someone that until recently was only working part time. But he’s working now, and between his new job, finals, and the upcoming concert, he says he’s feeling a little “overwhelmed.”
Clearly, he’s never been a mother.
He’s also never finished my short list of household chores, which any man with his talents and free time could have easily completed by now.
So I am kindly requesting advice from anyone who can help me “encourage” our dear author (and the love of my life) to finish some of the items on my list. Or if not, to simply donate some money so that I can hire someone to do it, preferably someone with all of their teeth.
My husband seems to think that because he is so extremely handsome and talented and busy that he can slough off these items; however, as I’m sure you will agree, these items are not the sloughable type.
Honeyoverdue List:
- - Set squirrel traps around bottom of mailbox. (Don’t tell Lynn) It would be nice if I decided which pieces of mail to shred.
- - Clean out the lint from behind the dryer. You also still need to put up the new drywall from the last dryer fire.
- - Remove tear gas canisters from pantry. This is the second time in two weeks that I have been unable to stop crying. Once a month is bad enough.
- - Remove the throwing stars wedged inside the washing machine. (Please make this item a priority, because I can’t keep hand-washing the ninja robes and I can’t endure the stares at the laundromat again either.)
- -Pick up your wigs. If I have asked you 10 times, I have asked you 100 times. The bird has already built a nest in them and if you don’t hurry, there’ll be eggs.
- I need you to talk to Chris non-C and have him come get his teacup moose. I know that you are very busy and it probably seems trivial and a bit like nagging to you, but it keeps spitting at our guests and it is really throwing me way down the social ladder. (I think our days of pet-sitting are over.)
- - Rake leaves. I know it doesn’t seem critical to you, but slippery leaves can cause accidents and OSHA has already warned us that the fines will be tripled if they have to return again this week.
- - Please remind everyone to attend the upcoming Dangercouch concert on December 6 at 7pm. The good news is that the nice men in the black sedan said that they are coming too.
I thank you in advance for your timely response and support.
In need your help,
HCM
As you can see, this is a very reasonable list. I just need some way to get him on it.
How do you motivate your resident author/student/handyman?
He also spends a lot of non-working time over at humor-blogs.com
{ 18 comments… read them below or add one }
I love a good dryer fire, that smell of burning lint, the flaming socs, the screams from my neighbors as to why I have lit there dryer on fire again… Ah christmas
A man’s work is never done.
At least, not by a man.
Hey Camille!
I can pet-sit Chris’s teacup moose if that helps. My neighbor has a miniature Doberman that needs a friend.
Hot Comma Momma-
Great post! You really brought the intellectual level of this blog up for sure! Now, if I can just get Mrs. Frogster to do a post at my place, we can really get the blogosphere in shape.
I’d set the squirrel traps for you, but I had my wisdom teeth taken out, so I guess I’m disqualified.
Wait … squirrel traps have wisdom teeth?
Mr. Pope,
A good dryer fire is wonderful at someone else’s home, but not mine. The representatives from OSHA do not like to be called off their donut breaks.
So, you’re saying I need to hire a handywoman due to the fact that a man can’t finish his work?
Perfect,
I knew I could count on you! When can I drop the little pooper off?
Frogster,
If the men of pioneer days (who had fewer teeth than yourself) could set beaver traps, I am sure that you could set some squirrel traps. So does this mean that you are volunteering?
Jami,
If you come over and fix the hole in the fence, I will educate you on squirrel traps.
Sorry about the spitting Camille. You can break him of it they way you broke Brent of his issue with toilet seats. However, you must practice more caution when using a cattle prod on a tea-cup moose. (Refer to your OSHA manual for detailed instructions)
Thanks Debbie!!! Oddly enough I have all of the same overwhelming issues that Brent is facing. New job, school and figuring out how to avoid creepy banjo playing rednecks in lower Alabama. Cut him some slack…… this is hard…… (sniffle, sniffle)
Chris,
You know that I could never hurt your little pooper. He really is cute, but I do need a bit of a break. You know that my washing machine is still out due to the stars and all, so I don’t have time to hand wash all the spit rags.
Well, now that you put me on the spot, I find myself a little troubled. I mean, are they death traps or just catch and release traps? I don’t think I could set death traps.
Well that depends on who we are talking to. If we are talking to Lynn who owns a pet squirrel, then absolutely they are catch and release; however, if we are talking to Dr. T or Lord Likely, then it is death. But let’s just keep that between us. We don’t need Lynn getting wind of anything that could potentially damage her psyche.
I grew tired just reading that “to do” list. Obviously, hubby has yet to refine the art of being a slug.
No, he is more like a caterpillar.
Meaning one day he could change into a giant butterfly, i hardly see how thats condusive to doing more housework, butterflies are the biggest flakes of all
Why don’t you add pulling all the hairy stuff out of the refrigerator?